Stefie's Journey

Upcoming Concert

2011-12-26T18:02:00.000-08:00

I am opening for Jimmy Needham on Wednesday night, December 28th at 7pm, @ Westgate Chapel. You can buy tickets here or at the door. Go here for more information!

Acceptance vs. Conforment

2011-12-07T11:22:00.000-08:00

"There is a fine line between

A C C E P T A N C E

and

C O N F O R M E N T"

Facebook opens eyes to the real thoughts, emotions, and beliefs of a person. A status is posted regarding their daily devotional, but then in a later post that same day reflects an absolutely contrary opinon to what God's word says. We live in a gray society, and this gray cloud has invaded our churchs and our moral standards. I will be first to say that I am far from perfect...but if we don't get our acts together, I believe we will fall to the detriment of this corruption.

I have always believed that if we stand for nothing, we will fall for anything (1 Cor. 10:12-13). The enemy says "God accepts you as you are"...which is true, however, the lie is "so you don't have to change". Well, sorry, that's not biblical. Romans 12:2- "Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants form you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of maturity, God bring the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you". (The Message)

The enemy is really good at distractions. I can honestly say that 2011 was a complete blur. I will painfully say that I neglected the Lord for most of the year, while still leading people in worship, and said that I was a Christ follower. But, as I am coming back to Him, I can hear Him again and PLAINLY see where I am falling short. I feel like we have become blind and deaf to the convicitons that come from the Lord, because we have been scammed into a life where he is only apart of it, instead of all of it.

Needless to say, 2011 was a difficult year. Though good things happened, my heart was heavy. It took losing my baby during the pregnancy to see that I needed a Savior, and that without Him, I was drowning. It feels good to come back. It gives me my voice back. I'm beginning to hear, see, and taste that the Lord is good and that He loves me. I anxiously wait, and hope for change. I have for almost 4 years now. BUT, that gives me no excuse to live by any less of a standard than the one the Lord set for me before the beginning of this world.

I encourage you to really begin to think about what you believe. Do you believe that God's word is absolute truth? Or do you believe what our culture says; that the word is what you want it to be? I believe we as a culture have created our own god, one that allows us to be and do whatever we want without consequence, or conviction. Where's the power in that? My dad used to quote his old pastor saying "don't become so heavenly minded that you're no earthly good". Well, I think that society has changed so much since that time that I would warn: "Don't become so earthy minded that you're no heavenly good".

Be sure to stand strong on Biblical standards. Living a gray life, also known as being "lukewarm" doesn't fly in the Kingdom of Heaven.

New Season

2011-10-20T07:36:00.001-07:00

I can't express the thousands of emotions that I am feeling all at once these days. A constant wave of hysteria, laughter, and excitement happening non stop as I am in my early days of pregnancy. Pregnancy is different than I ever thought or imagined it would be. I guess you just don't really know what you're getting into, until you are full flesh into it, and there's a doctor all up in your business, and you have pee'd in more cups than you have in your kitchen cupboard.

At this point they're thinking I am around 9 to 10 weeks. I went to the doctor to find the babies heart beat, but they couldn't find it. The doctor wasn't surprised nor concerned, but I was so disappointed. I was hoping to have a moment of realization that there truly is a baby inside of me. I am days away from my ultra sound, gosh I hope they find my baby. I guess these are all real feelings of a new mom, in their first pregnancy. It's all so serial.

I try to imagine what life is going to be like once the baby comes. I am trying to imagine my self going back to work, pumping at my desk, and somehow taking care of work, family, and home. The thought scares me, but I have to remember that God has prepared the way ahead of me, and he's got this under control.

As of now, I won't have the privilege of being a stay at home mom. Society doesn't make the stay at home mom thing that accessible any more. But I am choosing to be thankful that the Lord has provided Robert and I with steady jobs in a not so steady economy. I have to remember that the Lord has so much greater a purpose for our lives than we can see. That there is a bigger picture and a bigger plan, and that somehow even this fits into it.

So today I wait...Wait for this pregnancy to feel real. Wait for this belly to not just feel like fat. Wait for the day where I am a mom, holding my baby, and realizing that every day of this pregnancy was more than worth it.

*CHEERS!* to this new season...here goes, well...everything!

More today than yesterday.

2011-02-08T19:31:00.001-08:00

I'm sorry, but lookin' at the man in the above picture, I am like "hubba-hubba". WOW! I am one lucky girl! I am blessed to have the most unbelievable man as my husband. He's ridiculously amazing. See, I don't even sound educated when I talk about him because all that comes out are sound affects and cat calls like "Yowza", and some sort of growling prrrr.

Loving my husband has become such an enjoyment to me. I am his biggest cheerleader, his biggest fan. He's terribly handsome, getting hotter and hotter every year, the few gray hairs that he's starting to get drive me crazy (in a good way), I just can't stop looking at him. But the most amazing thing about MY husband, isn't his looks. He's actually even better looking on the inside.

I think my husband is hysterical. There's not a day that goes by that I am not hysterically laughing. He's got my sense of humor pinned. He's not afraid to play the fool, and let me tell ya, he looks good doing it to. (oh yah, I am talking about his insides now!)

His heart for the lost is H U G E. He's led more people to Christ than anyone I know. His relationships are intentional, his heart is sincere, and his greatest attribute is loyalty. He takes care of others before himself. He would give his very last dollar to you if you needed it. He loves Jesus. He pursues Him, He listens to Him, He finds Him.

Robert is wise in the Lord. Someone once said "It's hard to hear what Robert has to say...but he's always right". And it's true. Robert has such a solid foundation for what is biblical, what is sound, and what is just. It's like he has a grasp on the Lords heart, and wants to share it.

Robert has made me a better woman. I was lacking in so many ways without him. He's taught me to be bold, to go after my dreams, to pursue the Lord first, to love others more than myself, to be intentional and present.

I seriously love this man more today than yesterday. More today than the day we got married, and more today than the day we first fell in love. Our love for each other is sincere, passionate, giving, and faithful. We believe that our strong love for each other can with stand the fiercest of trials. We aren't stupid enough to believe we are out of the woods, but we believe that having a solid relationship with each other and the Lord are going to be the two things that with stand the storms.

I love you Boo, you make me laugh, you make me swoon, you cause my heart to flutter, and I can't wait for the rest of our forever. I have loved you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)

You complete me. You had me at hello. (ha ha ha ha...ok, I just killed it)

Once again, moving forward.

2011-02-01T22:57:00.000-08:00

Gosh, I hate that I have to be reminded to move forward.

As I have said, Satan is a schemer. He plans, he strategizes, he destroys. He takes whats been, and convinces you of what will be. My good friend Bruce Norris said:

"I regret that I often look to the future with the same vision I use to look at the past. Looking at the past too long robs us of the sense of mystery and wonder the future holds, and instead sets us up with disappointments and inevitability".

So funny how easily we use our past to dictate our futures.

Friday night I was apart of something bigger than myself. I did a concert Friday night where I believe I was used of God to shake people. Not just shake them, but rattle them to their cores. See, I know it wasn't me, I have no praise to gain. BUT, I was a vessel, willing to be bent, molded, and used. I knew gearing up to this event that God had a message, and he needed someone to portray it. Doing the best that I could, I attempted to express this message:

That God has a specific plan and purpose for your life. That dreams and desires are placed within us for a reason. But that ultimately, it is up to us to act on those dreams. That there were hurting and broken people out there dependent on our obedience to the Lords calling on our lives.

As Friday night turned into Saturday morning, I found myself brushing off this new me, and putting back on the old. So quickly did I let myself return to the old self. It was almost as if a few weeks ago I had taken off the heaviest of jackets, only to put it right back on the second I was cold. My heavy jacket was fear that God wasn't good. That He only cared about himself.

Tonight, I was heart to heart with a friend that spoke the same fears that I have faced the last few years of my life; "what if God has nothing more for me than what's in front of me". For those of you unsatisfied with life, this is a scary thought. It's scary because you want to honor God, be thankful, but at the same time you want to be used in more than what you can see. If there's not more to the picture, than what's the point? Am I just a puppet?!

God clearly spoke to my heart as this friend shared with me. His words punctured my heart, like he was reading every thought that I had ever battled. I knew that I put my jacket back on.

The coolest thing about the Lord, is that sometimes he allows us to stray for a while in order to learn just what we need to, to be closer with Him. Other times, He quickly yanks us back. As soon as I was able to acknowledge and remember that YES, God is good, I was able to remove that heavy "jacket" and return to the path that God has set in front of me.

Don't look back. Move forward. My friend Bruce has this amazing uncle who responded to the above quote. He said

"Look at a car. The windshield is quite large in order to see where we are headed. The rear view mirror is quite small not allowing us to see too much of where we've come from!"

It's time to stop cycling around what we know and experience what we have yet to live! God doesn't just make things new to make them old, NO He continually makes things new. We must follow Him forward. Not look back, but move ahead. The promise is forward. The only thing behind you is the past. That's it. So stop looking back. What's been isn't necessarily what will be, BUT what's been has placed you where you need to be today. The past was merely a stepping stone.

Today, will you join me in moving forward? Will you take off that which hinders you?

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider HIM who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." ~ Hebrews 12:1-3

Lets. Move. Forward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Its coming!

2011-01-23T15:02:00.000-08:00

My next concert is this weekend. I really hope that those of you out there in the Seattle area will be available to come. I promise it is going to be a great night, and that you wont regret for a second that you came!! Bring your friends this Friday, January 28th. Doors open at 7:30pm, $8 to get in at the Qcafe in Seattle. Let me know if you're coming!

This is going to be a night of worship, praise, restoration, encouragement and joy! Come be apart of this amazing night! Worth every penny.

God is for you!

2011-01-20T20:09:00.000-08:00

Romans 8:31 "If God is FOR US, who can be against us?"

Today, I am P R O U D to be a follower of Christ. Today, the waves came crashing. Today, I was reminded that the Lord is FOR me.

Satan hates it when we gain momentum in our walk with the Lord. Absolutely hates it. He feels threatened, and he puts up a worthless fight.

My husband and I have had a few trying years. But where we could have retreated, we leaned in. Together, we decided to take a stand that no matter what, our God was faithful. The enemy doesn't like that, so we kept our guards up, ready to withstand whatever Satan threw our way. But the enemy is a schemer. He didn't attack us as individuals. He attacked our families. He attacked the people that we loved the most. It was almost as though he took our families, put a knife to their necks and said "If you would just deny Christ, I will let them go".

We couldn't deny our God.

Because God is bigger than I ever think He is, some of my family has come out of these trials as more than conquerors. God has restored marriages. He has protected family from death. He's kept peace where there should be none. He has pulled them in closer, kept them tighter in His fatherly grasp. God. IS. Good.

However, some of my family is still broken. More broken than we ever would have thought possible. But I know that God is faithful. I know that He is prone to work best in the weakest of circumstances. I know that He is for me, and not against us.

The enemy saw that we wouldn't back down. That's when he came after us personally.

Today, my husband had to take a stand. He boldly resigned from a position that was tearing away at the man that he was. Last night while deciding what to do with his job situation, we prayed. We asked for guidance. We listened. We asked that by morning, God would make the answer plain. Fortunately, God. IS. Good. And He answered.

This morning, my husband whispered in my ear to wake me up "I got my answer". Now something you should know about Robert, is that there isn't one decision in his life that He hasn't sought the Lord for an answer. Another thing you should know about Robert is that he never dreams. And if he does dream, he doesn't remember it in the slightest. Last night God gave Robert a dream of him quitting his job. Robert got his answer.

Though I was shaken to my core, I was not stirred. Did I have a tough time with this? Of course. But somehow in the midst of this I had peace. I even said to Robert this morning with tears streaming down my face "the peace I have is giving me anxiety, because I shouldn't have peace". My sister pointed out to me that peace isn't a natural response. That peace can only come in times of strife through a loving Savior who is the Prince of all peace.

Those of you going through it, don't lose heart! God is FOR you! He's not against you! Though these times are hard, do not give up! You can't quit fighting in the middle of the battle. When you do, you're are just left open to more attack and eventually defeat.

Satan tried to have us today. But God won. He will try again tomorrow. And probably the next day. But may I say it at the top of my lungs so that it rings as clear as a bell in the enemies ears:

"I KNOW THAT GOD IS FOR ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Never forget that God is for YOU. Don't pray that God would remove you from this season, no matter how difficult it is, for that is already apart of His plan. INSTEAD pray that you would do this season well. Do it to the best of your ability. Do it for Him. And when you're faced with adversity and you're caught thinking against the Father, remember that He's the one standing right there next to you saying in the gentlest of voices "come on, lets keep going. I will carry you if you get tired. I just want you to walk a little bit further." Just like a good daddy teaching his child to stand even when their legs get weak. You can't crawl forever.

If you think walking with the Lord is difficult, just wait till you are running! Its painful, but worth every scar it takes to get there. Those scars become trophies of God's grace. You will be proud of those scars someday.

To the woman reading this with tears of defeat in your eyes, I see you in my heart right now...God is for you. God is for you. God is for you. God is for you! GOD IS FOR YOU!

Friends, if God is for us, who on earth could be against us? It doesn't matter. The God that created the universe, the God that knew you before you were conceived, the God that sent His one and only Son to die on your behalf is FOR YOU!

"Therefore, do not worry about your life (...) but seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness" Matt. 6:25-34

Don't believe the lie. God. IS. for. YOU.

Be ready.

2011-01-14T11:08:00.001-08:00

You never know when God is going to use you. You never know how. But what I have learned is that we have to be ready. There truly is more to the picture than what we can see.

Yesterday I was privileged to sing at the memorial service of a woman that I did not know. Her husband works in my office and asked me to sing. This man bought my cd when it first came out, just out of support. Days after purchasing my cd, he came up to me and asked "do you really mean the words that you sing? What do you mean when you sing 'I want to be brand new'?" I told him that the words of the song he was referring to came straight from God's word. I told him that I truly needed Jesus in my life to break me and make me new everyday, because without Him, I would be a mess. He then proceeded to tell me "But you're perfect!". That's when I told him, "No, I am actually a mess. But Jesus lives within me, and that's what you see". I have never in my life been this bold in my faith with my words. I usually just try to show it through my worship. But this was an ordained appointment, I couldn't hold back.

Just 2 weeks ago this man's wife passed away. It wasn't unexpected, as she had been battling cancer for a long time. Nevertheless, it was still a painful loss. The amazing thing to me about him asking me to sing, is that he is not a believer. Yes, non believers ask me to sing too, but he wanted me to sing songs that are dripping in words about God's grace. He asked that I sing my song "Psalm 51", and "Amazing Grace". The thing that my sister pointed out to me, which truly is unbelievable is that out of all the songs I have written, and all the songs that are out there to sing, he chose for me to sing God breathed words, straight from Psalm 51. God's word says that His word will not return void. So come on people! This is a.maz.ing. 26 people from my office were there to here God's word. 26 people. One of these 26 was standing in my office door ready to buy my cd.

If you're not moved yet, then I am not doing a good job of expressing just how truly remarkable this is. Let me say it this way. Unbelievers are buying my cd. Years ago, I could have sold out and sang secular music. Yes, I had offers. When I was younger, I was pursued to sing in a girl band, to sing county, but I held out knowing that my giftings were for the Lord's use. If I had written music that held no hope, just carried a great beat, then I would be using the gifts that God gave me in vain. The cd that people are buying is only about the Lord, only about His grace, His love, and His desire to be in relationship with us. These people, without me pursuing them are pursuing me to hear more of God's word. Do you see God's hand in this?!

We have to be ready in and out of season. (2 Tim. 4-2) You may feel that God isn't using you. But child of God, He is going to use you. Be ready. Be prepared. You never know the steps that he is taking to get you right where He wants you to be. He has seen the sacrifices that you have made. He has promised you more than you could have ever hoped for. So, diligently wait on the Lord. Seek Him, find Him. Know His word inside and out. Memorize, speak, and praise Him. Fill your life with Him, because He will and is going to use you. But you have to be ready. As my pastor spoke on Sunday "You can't fight a battle with out dated weapons". Sharpen that sword. Shine up that breast plate. He needs able and willing vessels. Are you ready? Then get prepared. There is a battle out there. A battle for souls. Who's side are you gonna fight for?

Believe in His promise

2011-01-08T09:40:00.000-08:00

Let's just get to it. You have neglected to believe in the promises that God has been trying to speak over your life. You get an inkling that God is trying to whisper promise over you, but you close your ears. You don't want to hear His promise. You fear that if you hear His promise, you will be held to believing in His promise. That's when fear creeps in; "what if I never see the fulfillment of this promise?" You think, its better that you don't believe in the promise, than to believe, and face the chance that you will never see the fulfillment of it. That is a life dominated by fear, and not faith.

God loves to promise good things over His people. He loves to give you hope. He loves to woo you into a loving relationship with Him. God is speaking to you. He is asking you to trust Him. He's telling you that there's more to the picture than you are allowing yourself to see. Once you open your ears, and you hear Him whisper, "I want to prosper you", "I want to restore your family", "I have a perfect career lined up for you", "I have someone perfect for you.". Once you hear His promises, you must diligently pursue them. We have an obligation as Christ followers to do our very best at what's in front of us.

If God has spoken to you that your marriage will be restored, you don't just sit there and wait for the other to change. NO! You seek the other. You serve the other. Even when you don't want to, you die to yourself, and you be the best wife/husband that you possibly can.

If God has told you that you will be the next Billy Graham, you don't sit back and wait for God to open doors. NO! You diligently volunteer your time at church, you start a small group. You get involved in your community. You become the best employee at your place of business, because your hard work will show Christ more than if you sit back grumbling that you were made for more.

There are promises out there that God is waiting to fulfill. He needs you to hear them. He needs you to pursue them, diligently. He needs you to trust that He has the best in mind for you. But don't sit back waiting for God to fulfill, because chances are he will not fulfill a promise to someone who is doing nothing.

Lastly, when you hear God's promise, don't keep it to your self. Speak it out! People need to hear the promises of God! I kept what God promised me a secret for a long time. I feared that people would think it was ridiculous! But you know what!? The girls in the above picture are just a few of the women in my life that I have shared this dream with, and they are all here for me, backing me up and holding me to what GOD HAS SAID. I am blessed to have a sister, brothers, parents and friends to hold me to what God has said. You need to surround yourself with these types of people who will take you back to the moment when God spoke that promise over your life.

God has more for you than you allow Him to show you. Be bold, trust, and believe that what God has said will come to pass.

A few words for the new year

2011-01-02T15:53:00.000-08:00

Every start to each New Year, I purge, clean, and re-evaluate my life. As we all do, I make new goals, set new life standards, and attempt to be better at being a Christ follower. Today, I went through my memory box. Going through old journals, I found a few thoughts that I want to pass along to you as we head into this new year.

My desire this year is to encourage you to not give up on what God has promised you. So take the following thoughts as reminders of what God has told you WILL come to pass.

August 2004: Isaiah 60:22 "In its time, I will do it quickly"

- wait with diligence; do your very best at what God has put in front of you while you wait.

- Do not become lazy

- Imitate those who through faith followed God's promise

- Don't listen to Satan when he asks "Did God really say?"

- Wait with patience (greek: calm, endurance, steadfast, constant)

June 2005: Expect things from God; big and small. He longs to give you everything-but why should He if you doubt Him? (application of James 1:7)

July 2005: "God's promises aren't always instant, but they are certain" ~ Adam Durso

July 2005: "It is God's desire to use man to do what is impossible. It is a shame that man only desires what is possible." ~A.W. Tozer

August 2009: "God surpasses our dreams when we reach past our personal plans and agendas to grab the hand of Christ and walk the path HE chose for us. He is obligated to keep us dissatisfied until we come to Him and His plan for complete satisfaction" ~Beth Moore

There truly is so much more to share...but if I can encourage you with anything at all, let me just say this: God places dreams and desires within us to fulfill His plans and His purposes for your life, and not just your life, but the lives around you. If you don't go after what God has promised, if you don't go looking for it, how will you ever find it? There is purpose behind God driven promises. There is need behind God placed dreams. He absolutely desires that you go after those dreams so that He can use YOU to change people's lives. If you don't, He will find someone that will. After all, His plan is bigger than all of us. Step up to the plate, and be apart of it.

Happy New Year! Go after your dreams!

Striving : Surrender

2010-11-25T08:55:00.000-08:00

The girl in the above picture looks free. She looks like she's at rest...I want to be this girl. (Photo taken by my sissy, and I stole it from her...heh, heh, heh)

God has asked something huge of me; S U R R E N D E R. As I have said, He's been showing me the areas of my life that need work. One of the biggest things in my life is music. And He's asking me to give it to Him. To lay it at His feet, to stop striving, and surrender.

I wonder how many of us this applies to? I can't be the only one with a goal, or a dream-what are you striving for?

I don't know that striving in and of it's self is sin...but the striving in my life definitely turned into sin. It turned into "God, I know you know what's best...but I got this. You can trust ME with my life. You have so many others to worry about-I can take care of myself". That has unfortunately become the story of my life: I can take care of my self.

There's no room for God in that sort of living. There's no trusting Him with your life. There's no one to surrender to. You just strive for your self, and you live for yourself. I have always thought of myself as one strong puppy; a girl that "takes one for the team". I would much rather suffer myself than watch someone else suffer. That's when the Lord spoke this into my life:

"Today, God reminded me that its in my weakness that He is stronger. He said to me "Yes, you are strong, but that's not why I gave you that strength". I try to take on every burden-make it better. But, its not my burden to carry. Let the Lord carry you through this time in your life. If you do this on your own you will be left unfulfilled and disappointed...missing exactly what God had for you in the first place."

What if all this striving, all this want, is what has kept me from moving forward? What if, because of insecurity, and lack of trust, I moved my life into a direction that I was never meant to head in? I believe fear of failure has put me where I am today. Not my trust in the Lord. I have this nagging voice in the back of my mind that tells me "if you don't become a singer, that's changing the world, you will have failed". The goal is almost unattainable.

I have had a fear of the future, and I am ready to lay that fear at the feet of Jesus. I was recently re-told the story of the woman and her alabaster box by a mentor/friend of mine. She told me that history tells us that the alabaster box was equivalent to our 401 k, our retirement, our

F U T U R E. When the woman broke her alabaster box at the foot of Jesus, she was surrendering her future to the Lord. Trusting that He would be the one to guide her steps forward. My striving must turn to surrender.

I am going to rest. Rest in the arms of Jesus, knowing that I am safe and that I can trust Him. I am not giving up, I am just not going to keep reaching for the stars because the ground isn't good enough. Just as I have said before, Jesus has GOT to be more than enough for me. Because, if he's not-than this has all been done in vain, and has only glorified my self - AND THAT WOULD BE REAL FAILURE.

Jesus, help us to trust you. Our minds tell us that you are trust worthy, yet our actions say otherwise. Lord, I don't want to have to feel like I have to perform for you. I don't want to feel like your love can run out. I don't want to fear that if I am not more than ordinary, that I've failed. I no longer want to strive Lord. I want to rest. Please, teach me how to rest. Teach me how to have peace. Teach me how to move forward with you guiding me.

Thank you Lord for all that you have done for me, for my husband, my family, and my friends. Thank you for loving and dying for sinners like us. Thank you Lord for loving this wretch, and thank you for never giving up on me. I love you Lord, Amen.

More than Enough.

2010-11-17T20:10:00.000-08:00

I have been plagued with the following phrase the past few days; "Am I really more than enough for you?". The "Am I" that I am referring to is the "I Am". Is He, really more than enough for me? I want to cry out-YES! But my actions say otherwise.

I have what some people would call control issues. At some point in my life, I decided that I was the only one that was going to move my life forward. I talked a talk that sounded as though God was in control, and truly, I thought He was. I've lived a blessed life; I have a nice home, drive nice cars, have a secure, comfortable job, wonderful family, and amazing husband. But, (there's always a but) I always wanted more. Never content, I reached higher and higher. Wishing for more, always striving-this is not a life where God is more than enough.

I am on a 40 day prayer to discovery. I am at day 6, and I am getting REALLY uncomfortable. While I feel that God has yet to reveal any sort of answer to my prayers for direction, He has gently pointed out areas of my life that need to change, no matter which direction my life goes. That's where the question arouse: "If you never have a music career, no matter what that looks like, would I still be more than enough for you?". It was really hard for me to hear that because, if I were being truthful, he wouldn't be. So that got me to think; does my relationship with the Lord hold any weight?

I got depressed with the rising of this question. I began texting back and forth with a good friend of mine. She always has the best concept of God. After telling her all my struggles, she said "yes, I understand all of that. But, (and there's always a but) I think God is better than we think He is". Somehow my concept of Him had become skewed, and once again I have to find out who He is all over again...or at least, who He isn't.

You know, I want to give up on this dream of mine almost every single day. Following after your dreams is a painful, and a somewhat discouraging process. We all know the reality, that dreams are just dreams until they become realities. And the biggest fear of a dreamer, is to never see your dream fulfilled. Because then, when life is over, you've spent your entire life pursuing a dream that was N E V E R meant to be. That's why I have to change my prayer- Let Your will, not mine be done in my life. When you tell the Lord "Let your will be done", you allow Him to move. You allow His dreams to become yours.

I want to desire what He desires. I want to dream what He dreams. I need to line my life up with His so closely so that I can have the confidence to say that my dreams ARE His, and His ARE mine.

I believe we all need to allow the Lord to be more than enough for us. It may be time to ask your self the very same question. And if he's not...its time to surrender your life, and allow Him and His will to take reign, and be more than enough.

Dream : Revelation

2010-11-09T20:24:00.000-08:00

This journey that I have been on for the last few years now, has really taken a toll on me. Starting back in August of 08' I started walking a path that I knew would lead me to my future. Those of you that know me, or those of you that have followed me on my journey, know that in 08', my husband and I had decided that we would give up everything, and move to Nashville. We sold one of our cars, started looking at apartments, sold a lot of our stuff, had our home on the market, quit our jobs and told everyone that we were leaving.

February of 09' was going to be the month of departure. We saw February of 09' to be a step of faith, a following of what we believed was God's voice. There were so many "yes's" and "amens" for us to go. We had no doubt that it was the Lord that was leading us to follow Him. But as February came and went, we began to wonder "did God really say..."? We were SO confident in what the Lord had spoken. That we were so confused why we were still here. It really became evident over time why God kept us here; we were needed.

As time progressed, we really began to see what God had done in our lives by keeping us here. As the sufferings around us turned to joy, and the trials turned into triumphs, I can't help but wonder, "whatever happened to Nashville"? I can't tell you how CLEARLY we heard His voice.

Without even knowing it, this small question has attacked my soul. It started with just a little annoyance in my heart, and turned into thorough disappointment. Some people may question my motivation. But let me make myself completely clear: I have no desire to seek my own glory. Not One Ounce of me wants the satisfaction of worldly praise. So with what I have, what I've lost, and what I have to gain, I give myself to Christ. To be used, to be renewed, to be restored.

In all honesty, I am completely broken right now. I have an unsatisfied thirst. The desire, the pull within me, the dreams that the Lord placed within me, are full of doubt. I am at a stand still in my life. I can't move forward, because I don't know what moving forward looks like. I am at a cross road; I can be bold and take a step of faith, or I can be patient and wait, and trust. Both paths equally biblical, both paths God can use, but the question remains; what is God asking of me?! I need a revelation!

During my quiet time yesterday, God directed me to 2 Chronicles 1, where God tells King Solomon that He would grant him what ever he asked. Solomon asked for wisdom. I realized that all I want right now is to have wisdom. I don't know where I am going to find the answer. I don't even know if I will ever hear the answer. But what God reminded me of this morning, is that worry has no place in a future that involves a relationship with Christ.

I love Britt Nicole. She writes E X A C T L Y how my heart thinks; "I am small, but you are big enough. I am weak but, You are strong enough to take my dreams, come and give them wings! Lord with you, there's nothing I cannot do!"

I give the Lord my everything. Even if I don't know what that looks like. Until its revealed, all I can do is pray, trust, and hope that whatever it is He plans to do with me, he will do it quickly, and soon.

Can You Still Hear Me?

2010-09-19T13:32:00.000-07:00

I wrote "Can You Still Hear Me" a few years ago while facing the fear of living a life short of what God had for me. I feared that at 25 years old, I had missed my calling and that life wasn't going the direction I had wanted it to go. One of my favorite lines in the song is "Am I where I am cause its where you placed me? Or did I make the wrong choice? Am I far from where You're at?" At the time, even though I was doing Godly things, and making Godly choices, I still felt as though the path I was on wasn't the one that was leading me to my destiny. I still face fears that I will settle for a comfortable life, where its safe and common. I don't want to do that, I don't want to settle for less. God has big plans for me, just as he has big plans for you. But I don't want to be one that misses what He has because of fear that life wouldn't be as easy as it is now. I hope to some day transition from the corporate world to the music world. I know that is where God is leading me to go, but the path to get there looks down right scary. Some times I wonder if my comfortable life is just a distraction, keeping me locked down unable to move forward. But then, sometimes I wonder if in fact its a blessing that allows me to do what I am passionate about. Such a battle of the mind. What I do know, is that as long as I line my daily life up with His, I will be where I am supposed to be because I will be with Him.

Please enjoy this song; "Can You Still Hear Me?" Words and music by Stephanie Nelson

The Battle

2010-09-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

Around 3 years ago I wrote the song, "The Battle". The Battle is really about the battle of the mind. For so long I have felt called, and for so long, I have felt as though I had somehow missed what God was specifically called me to. One day, I went down to the water, and I prayed, "Lord, please show me what you have for me. Life is too hard, and I don't want to have to fight all the time, anymore" At that moment, I felt the Lord say clearer than ever that I had to "Keep fighting". He told me to fight, and that is when I wrote The Battle. Please enjoy this song.

There's an emptiness inside. Can't escape from all this pride that lives inside of me, that says "I must be strong"

But I know that there's release. I can feel that in the depths of my heart that there's a, peace that passes understanding, from the bondage in my mind there's freedom.

I want to run, into Your arms, where I feel secure inside. Where Your love I cannot hide. I want to feel all that You are. Consume me with Your love. So that I may know I'm Yours and You are mine.

You tell me "Just let go", but I can't cause there's this fear that dwells inside of me, that says "I can't be free". So I'm tired and letting go. Can't hold on Lord anymore. Please embrace me, with your Spirit. Need Your strength Lord, for this battle. Face my fears, all the darkness, to be broken by Your power!

I want to run, into Your arms, where I feel secure inside. Where Your love I cannot hide. I want to feel all that You are. Consume me with Your love. So that I may know I'm Yours and You are mine.

Can't nobody, understand me! I'm so tired, sick of trying. No more lying yet You tell me, to keep fighting, no more dying. Tired of failing, need Your guidance, have no strength left to keep going. Lord I'm dying, take this burden, lift me higher, Lord I'm sorry. Please forgive me, I'll keep fighting, no more dying, NO MORE LYING! With Your strength Lord, I'll keep going, when I'm weak Lord.....

I want to run, into Your arms, where I feel secure inside. Where Your love I cannot hide. I want to feel all that You are. Consume me with Your love. So that I may know I'm Yours and You are mine.

Words and music by Stephanie Nelson.

Attempting to do more.

2010-09-07T18:22:00.001-07:00

This image came from my friend Sid, who is an amazing photographer. Check out his blog: mandevsidhu.com

I get frustrated when people say their doing something, or going to do something and they don't do it. I try to be a do'er, as my dad has instilled in me this idea that "I don't want to regret....". I have been completely frustrated with myself, as trying to be a "self promoter" is actually pretty stinken' difficult. I really want to get my name out there, I have been trying for years. I swear I am the slowest moving dreamer on the face of the planet. I blame my full time job for my lack of time, but really, I could MAKE time. Putting yourself out there is pretty lonely, vulnerable, and down right uncomfortable. I like safe. I like knowing my tomorrows. But, everything about my dream has nothing to do with knowing what tomorrow brings, or knowing the future. It's all about a stepping out in faith. Seeing what God is capable of. Allowing Him to see you through your dreams.

As I write this, I think many of you can relate this to your own "dreams". Some of you dream of being stay at home mom's with no worries of finances, some of you dream about a reconciled marriage, some have very private dreams that are so huge, even whispering them out loud would create pain in your heart as you fear they'll never become reality. We all yearn, we all dream. What I have learned is even when you think you are standing alone, you're not. Hurt keeps us from trying, hurt keeps us from having faith, and hurt keeps us from pursuing. But we can't let what the enemy intended for evil to win! I believe we all, deep in our hearts know what truth is. You KNOW what God has spoken to you about your marriage, you KNOW, what God has told you about losing weight, you KNOW that God is asking you to trust Him, and you KNOW that its now your turn to step out and TRUST!

With all this said, I am going to say this: I am going to attempt to do more. I am going to step even further out of my comfort zone. I am going to use the time the God graciously gives me everyday to pursue the dreams that He placed inside me. I don't want to be in eternity someday, and God ask me why I didn't trust Him with my dreams. I want to be able to say, I gave it my all, because I knew He had the best.

Don't fall into the lie that YOU are what matters most. When you decide not to step out, YOU are saying that you are more important than God's desires. A perfect example of this in my own life, is a short story, that so far has no ending. There is a man that I know of, who is an atheist who's wife is dying. He bought a copy of my CD, and has told many about the song I wrote from Psalm 51 which says "Create in me a clean heart, and renew my soul". He says he doesn't know why, but when he hears that song, he can't stop crying. He kept saying "What is that in your music that makes me sob?!" I know that its Jesus. Its definitely not me. Has nothing to do with me. But God needed a vessel, and placed within that vessel a dream, and used that vessel to reach this man. I don't believe his story is over. I believe its just beginning. But if I hadn't stepped out and made this CD, which was a HUGE step of faith in its self, this man may have never experienced the love of Jesus.

I hope you understand where I am coming from. I don't have any intention of sounding as though I am patting my self on the back, or that I have it all together, cause I definitely DO NOT...I'm a mess. But what I am trying to relay is that God wants to do with in you everything that you desire. When your life lines up with Him, His desires become your desires. If you are running this race that we call life, and can look to your left, and look to your right and know that you are surrounded by Christ, then you have nothing to worry about as you are right where God wants you, WITH HIM. But if you're running in circles of confusion, have lost sight of your dreams, or just can't see where Christ fits in your life, then its time to draw in, closer to His side.

As I attempt to do more, my prayer is that you will all do the same.

Lord, may we not hold back. May we step out in faith, believing that You who have never left our side will continue to uplift us, hold us, and lead us through this journey we call life. Remind us of what you have promised us Lord. May we not lose sight of you and the dreams that you instilled within us long ago. Teach us to press into you Lord. May we feel safe in your arms as we step out in boldness trusting that even if we get crushed, or hurt again, that you are right there with us, ready to catch us at any moment. I love you Lord, and thank you that we can trust you. AMEN.

Best Night Ever!

2010-08-23T21:46:00.000-07:00

I cant really believe just how long its been since I have wrote on this puppy. There has literally been so much going on! Last Saturday, I experienced the BEST night of my life. Don't worry, I have already talked this over with Robert, he understands. ;o) The thing that was most exciting about my debut concert was just how powerful the Presence of God was on that evening. His Presence at my concert just confirmed everything with in me that God is for me! He was right there with me the entire time. He delighted in my worship, he delighted in the praises of His people. He was more than Holy, more than enough for me. I can't wait to share the video of that night. I have heard little blurbs and I am really excited to blast the internet! I am already praying and planing my next concert. It has to be soon, really soon. I just have to experience that again! God has been, was and is so faithful. He provided all that I needed to get this debut rolling. Best night ever. Can't wait for more.

Many of you may be curious how to get your hands on my CD, well I have added a little button to the top left that will help you do just that!

Thank you all so much!

Blessings!!

Dreams become reality!

2010-06-26T19:59:00.001-07:00

This isn't the official Cd cover...For some reason I can't figure out how to post it...but this is a little taste of whats to come! Yipppeee!!! Never been so excited in my life! August 14th, at the Qcafe in Seattle I will be debuting my first CD, "Shattered Perspective"!!!! I will give more details as the time draws near, but in the mean time..... SAVE THE DATE!!!

Finish Well.

2010-06-24T21:32:00.000-07:00

The weight of the world can be pretty heavy sometimes, can't it? Sometimes we are so burdened with one single circumstance of our lives that its almost impossible to see the joy in anything. Sometimes, we are faced with more than we think we can handle, but still, the result is the same; Its hard to see the glory in the pain. This last week was one of those weeks where I thought "Really Lord, I can't take all this! I am surrounded by pained, sad, miserable people!" I was miserable. Absolutely miserable. I wanted nothing more than for God to pluck me right out of this horrible situation and place me in a place of joy. Then I began to feel guilty. I was guilty because I know that I am where I am because I know my steps are ordered.

I rarely cry out for help. Seriously. Ask my friends, ask my sister. I keep things bottled up for a seriously long time. Well, I broke. I emailed this blessed sister from my church and just said "please pray for me, I can't keep living life this way. I have to fight my way through every single day, and I'm tired". What she said in response changed my heart in an instant. She said "Sweetie, don't pray that God would take you away from this moment, because that is already part of his plan.", she then went on to say "but in this time, pray that you will do your best so that you can finish this season well." Wow, that's wisdom.

So with those words that I believe were Holy Spirit inspired let me encourage you with this: Finish well my friends. Though these are tough times, do not pray for the Lord to take you away from this trial, for that is already His plan. Instead, pray that you will finish well. That you will take away from this trial everything that he is trying to teach you. That you won't look back and think "I gave up", or "I could have fought harder". I believe that when we give up, we allow the enemy to come into our minds and whisper thoughts that leave us saying; "God wasn't big enough" "He wasn't willing to __________", "He left me". But really, God IS big enough, you just didn't let Him finish, because you gave up.

I think the saddest thing in the world is when people think God is big enough, but don't want him to finish because finishing would mean change. And change is scaaaarrrry. Well, a lot of times when God is asking for change its because somewhere in our lives, there is sin. And he is working on removing that sin so that He can be closer to you. He desperately wants to be closer to you!

Its time to throw off the entanglements of sin. Your sin (and you know its sin) is doing nothing to protect you. Your sin is keeping you from your healing and from your restoration. There will be NO HEALING without complete surrender of your life.

So with that I say again, finish well. Its better to go through the battle than be left undone.

This is REALLY who I am

2010-06-16T21:34:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, I need reminding of who I really am. I try to fill my life with non-sense just because it makes sense. (wow, did anyone follow that?!) I have a tendency to try so desperately to make a life that looks sort-of like what I've dreamed, but yet, its really nothing like what I have dreamed. We are put places for a reason, for a purpose, for a season. But really? How the stink long do some of these seasons have to be? I know what I was made for: Worship. But, whats so special about that?! We were all created to worship Him...just some of us don't choose to.

But, this is who I know I am. Special or not. I am a worshipper. Called to be a strong follower of Christ. Devoted to His plan, His purpose, His will. Whether it fits along with what I want, or not, I am a woman of the Lord. Almost 2 years ago, the Lord told me not to "throw away my confidence, for it will be richly rewarded". He then went on to say "for once you have done the will of God, you will receive what HE has promised!". God used me in this last year in ways that I never thought I would have been able to handle. But God, in all his glory brought me through more than a conqueror. And in these days that seem so close to the beginning of what He has promised, Satan ever so sly, trys to get me to throw away my confidence. But, little does he know, that what God has promised me, is so real, that its almost impossible for me to believe that this promise is just a dream.

"So here I am waiting. Abide in me I pray. Here I am longing, for you. Hide me in Your love. Bring me to my knees. May I know Jesus, more and more. Come live in me. All my life, take over. Come breathe in me. I will rise, on eagles wings" (Hillsongs).

On August 14th I will be having my first ever concert. I will be debuting my CD at the Qcafe in Seattle. I literally can't believe the orchestrated steps that I have taken to get me to the point that I am. Thank you Jesus, you truly are good.

Crazy Faith

2010-06-07T22:31:00.000-07:00

I feel like I am standing on the edge of a cliff looking down, and all I can see is freedom. The cliff is scary, the next step doesn't make sense, but everything within me says "JUMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The funny thing is, that I know with everything that is within me that the jump wont cause me to fall, but propel me to soar. But, even with all this faith, my doubt, insecurity, and the ever-so comfortable safe world I live in, keep me from flying.

I have said it once if I have said it a thousand times, that I am a dreamer. I dream big dreams, and not small realities. But, the truth about me is though I dream big, I live small.

I came home today and bawled. I bawled my eyes out in fear that what I long for, what I desire, what I feel that I am called to will never come to be, because I am not willing to take the step that I need to take in order to fully commit to the jump. Robert and I have it so easy right now financially that choosing any sort of change in that area, literally sounds crazy. But one of my husbands favorite verses says "if we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God"(2 Cor.5:13). He refers to that as "Crazy Faith". I have never had crazy faith. I have what I like to call "God will do incredible things for everyone else but me faith". Yup. I'm that girl. I will encourage you, fight for you and with you, and believe with all my heart that Jesus will make a way out of no way...but I never truly believe it for myself.

I need to jump. But fear, reality, and insecurity keep me at the edge only giving me the opportunity to see the freedom, but never live in it.

Lord Jesus, help me to have crazy faith. Help me to live out what you have called me to, and experience the abundant life you have waiting for me. My hearts desire is to lead people into an experience of your power, and your presence. My hearts cry is that no one will go un moved by your Spirit. I am offering my life to be used by you, and for you. Lord you know my heart, and you know that I am sincere in this plea to change this nation. I know in my soul what I have been called to. I know that you have been preparing me for years to be ready when you say 'go'. So Lord, if the time is now when I am to jump into everything that You have shown me, then Lord I pray that you give me the strength to do so. Lord, make your voice plain, and your direction clear. I have been fighting for a long time now, and I believe that the 'Greater things' you told me about are about to begin. Help me to jump Jesus.

I love you, Amen.

Open Hands

2010-04-10T06:11:00.000-07:00

A few years ago, I was blessed to meet a woman that would forever change my life in just one day. Her name was Susi. She was a joyful woman, full of life, LOVED Christmas, loved her husband, and most importantly loved Jesus. This amazing woman loved Christmas so much that her Christmas decorations in her house were left up year round. She collected Thomas Kincaid plates which were displayed on every wall of her home. Needless to say, these plates were one of her most prized possessions. I met Susi doing some community service work with our church. She was so funny, she made all the guys go out side and weed, rake, and clean out the gutters. While she had myself and another girl (who just happened to be her niece) come inside to keep her company. She showed us her plate collection as well as looked at her many, many boxes of Christmas decorations. While there she opened up and explained that she was battling cancer. Having fought through cancer with several of my own family members, I had an idea of the struggles she was going to be facing in order to become a cancer survivor. As our day together drew to a close, Susi looked at me and said "Please, take one of my plates, any one you want. I want you to have one." I just met this lady. Her giving me one of those plates would be like me inviting a stranger into my home and saying "Please pick out a piece of my hobnail china, I want you to have it." (no Jill or Lissa, that will NEVER happen) ;o) I tried desperately to not take one of her plates. I said "Susi, I can't take this from you. You love these." And this is where she left the lasting impression, she said "Stephanie, how am I supposed to receive anything if I hold on to every thing with closed fists. I want to hold my hands completely open to the Lord so that I can receive everything." Wow. Life changing. Life shaking. Life moving. In one day, this woman left a lasting impact on my life. I never saw Susi again. Every Christmas as I pull out my decorations, I get to see the Thomas Kincaid plate that Susi gave me. I am reminded that life is lived so that God would be glorified. That my life is not my own, that it was bought at a very high price.

This last week, before Easter Sunday, Susi passed away suddenly, and unexpected. What an amazing woman. She is now with her heavenly Father receiving all that she was promised.

I want to leave this type of legacy.

Some of you are going through trials that you see no end to. Some of you think your life is so out of control, that there's no way that you will experience any sort of normalcy. Until we learn to let go of our plans, our choices, our pride, our opinion, our stubbornness, we will never be free from a painful life. Its time to let go of the chains. You have been freed from your chains for a long time, but it's you that hasn't let go of them. Its time to start living a life with open hands so that you can begin to receive all that Christ has for you. Until you do, your life will be everything but abundant. Trust is a choice. You can ask the Lord to help you trust Him, but ultimately the ability to trust is up to you.

Take the advise Susi, if you continue to hold onto everything so tight, how will you ever be able to receive what God wants to give you?? It's time to believe that your life can truly be changed, and that yes, there really is more than this.

Dare to dream?

2010-03-16T19:21:00.000-07:00

Looking back to why I ever started blogging in the first place, I am reminded that at one time I had dreams. At one time I was willing to give up everything based solely on a dream. Whatever happened to that dream? I have started asking myself this question for the past few months, wondering if my dream died. I don't have any motivation to move forward, no confidence to proceed, no gusto to finish. Its like, all that I ever wanted seems unattainable. So, that makes me think; is this just my dream? Is this desire NOT from the Lord? How can my life be so different from what I desire?

I say that, but really I don't even know what I desire anymore. I think these feelings are all the results of a selfish life. Every day I live for myself. I plan for myself, I work for myself, I dress for myself...on and on...everything that I do is for myself. I believe that this is the result of extreme insecurity issues. My biggest fear is that I will live a wasted life because I am so insecure!

I need to read Beth Moores book, So Long Insecurities. But that in its self would not be easy. I am a TERRIBLE reader. I have a VERY difficult time sitting and reading when there is so much more to do!

Some days are just harder for me than others. Some days, I definitely have to fight the feelings that I have missed my calling, and this is just one of those days. I feel that I may be wasting my life on what I can do, rather than what God WILL do. Beth Moore said in her Daniel series that "If we miss the sacrificial life, then we have missed our calling". Well, to that I say what in my life shows any sort of sacrifice??? I can honestly look at my life, and the lack of fruit and see that I live a life that is unworthy of the calling I received.

When I feel like this, I want to hide, give up, and let go. I had this entire post complete. I went to publish it, and what did I discover? That it was no longer complete, but incomplete. The Lord didn't allow me to speak the words that I spoke because He knew how harmful they were to my future. That those words were going to be the start of my downfall. To put it simply, yesterday I ended my post that you never saw with something like this "Lord take away my desire to do music, as it hurts too bad not to have what I desire. I no longer want to desire something that seems impossible". I know that the Lord didn't want me to speak those words.

So, do I dare to dream? That's what I must face right now. Do I dare to face tomorrow knowing that what I have in my heart may never come to pass? Do I dare to live my life sold out for Christ even if that means that I never see the fulfillment of what I believe He has promised? I have decided that I CANNOT live a life that is NOT moved by Christ. I CANNOT step into my tomorrow worrying that the Lord will not fulfill. I absolutely must live my life in such a way that others are drawn to Him. No matter who I am, or what I become I MUST BE SOLD OUT! The scariest thing for me would be to sit in His Presence, and not be changed. To dwell in His anointing and not be moved. I pray that I never get to that place. I don't want to be numb to the Lord. I want to know and experience His Presence at all times. I want to unmistakeably know His voice. I don't want to put Him back in the box, when this world is asking me to do something more "fulfilling". I want to be moved by Him. I want to be romanced by Him. I want to be led by Him.

Good or bad days, though I feel that I have missed my calling or not, I am painfully, but humbly reminded of this one thing: THAT ITS NOT ABOUT ME! Its about His higher purpose, and what ever it is that BRINGS HIM GLORY!

I need to work on the fruit that I produce. I need to stretch myself past what is comfortable. I need to accept my calling, and move in it in confidence. To anyone who reads this painfully dull blog of mine...Please pray for me. I want to move, live, and dwell in HIS presence all the days of my life. I don't want to miss out on what was truly life, because I was too blind to see what was really there. Pray that the Lord opens my eyes to what is real. Pray that I will live in HIS will and not my own. And finally, pray that the Lord takes this broken vessel, and restores it to its full potential. Too long have I received report cards saying that I never "applied" myself. I don't want my report card of life to say "there could have been so much more for her if only she had the confidence".

To God be the GLORY for the things he has, and WILL DO in my life! (AS WELL AS YOUR'S)

Moving Forward

2010-02-18T20:51:00.001-08:00

"I'm not going back, I'm moving ahead"

In order to fully grasp the depth of this posting, you must listen to the song playing in the background.

I am surrounded by broken people desperate for redemption, to be new, to be perfectly redeemed. Redemption is as simple as dying to yourself, and making a declaration that you're not going back, and that you're moving ahead. In Him, and in Him only will all things be made new. In Him, and in Him only can you be taken to new places. He makes all things new. ALL THINGS!

We all want redemption. We all want to be new. We are all tired of our selfish choices, our devilish behaviors, and our lack of relationship with the Savior. Jesus is a powerful redeemer who takes even the foulest of lives and restores them to perfect beauty. HOWEVER, you cannot move forward until you make the effort to not go back. Redemption takes action on our part. The Lord doesn't just take a magic wand, wave it around and *ZAP* Redeemed!. Unfortunately, redemption takes the proactive progression of moving forward. Its a dying to yourself, your life, your choices. Its realizing that your fears, your feelings, your past, your choices have done nothing to protect you. Its facing the fact that yes, we are great sinners, but that He's a greater Savior.

He truly does make all things new. I have seen restoration at its finest in this last year. Redemption that would have never happened without painful, hard work. Its an obedience of doing what the Lord has asked of you. Die to yourself, your pride, your pain...and leave yourself completely vulnerable to the Spirits leading. You will be unable to move forward without the Lord. But with Christ, all things are made new...ALL THINGS. Even (fill in the blank here) can be redeemed.

Remember Lot's wife. Do not look back. Did Lot's wife want to be saved? Yes, I believe she did. But she couldn't help herself but to look back. Even when the Lord warned her of the consequences. Do NOT LOOK BACK. Its now time to move forward. Move forward, and trust the Lord. Trust that he truly does have the best in mind for you. Trust that he will redeem what has been lost and broken. The Lord does His best work with broken pieces. Let Him put you back together. Your attempt at your own personal redemption, by yourself, without the Lord will just leave you broken. He knows what it will take to restore you, and all the brokeness around you. Be willing to go through the painful process of redemption. Your life will NEVER be the same.

"Behold, I am making all things new" -Revelations 21:5

Sin is just ugly.

2010-01-12T18:52:00.000-08:00

Hee, hee...this picture says "ehh, that's bad"
Why do we sin?

I believe we can all identify with Paul when he says "We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate to do". (Rom. 7:14)

We are all slaves to sin. We are all sinners. You're a sinner, I am a sinner. We have sinned, we will sin, we were destined for the fire. As I said in my last post, we were bought at a very high price, so that we wouldn't have to pay for the debt of our sins.

Just because a person falls, or fails, doesn't necessarily mean that they're without conviction, or without devastation. We humanly place blame on "sinners" as though we are not slaves to sin our selves. We live in a world that is candy coated in sin. Satan will make sin look so good that you won't even care that its bad.

If we could truly see sin for what it really looked like, truly saw the ugliness, the devastation, the disgusting, roting flesh of it, we would run from it. We would want nothing to do with it. But Satan, being the king of lies, disguises it into something more appealing like enjoying another man (or woman) giving you attention that you feel you have been neglected, or an inappropriate joke that is just too funny not to share, or you catch yourself intrigued by hours on the internet. Most of these things may seem innocent at first but we all know that they all can lead to deeper, more life altering devastation.

Carefully search your heart...what are the candy coated sins in your life? Is it lust, pride, discontentment, anger, unforgiveness? Without constantly fighting the "little" sins we all face, we leave our selves susceptible to sin we would have never thought we were capable of. How many times have you thought "I never thought I would have done that".

One more crucial thing: Just because the world says its right, that doesn't trump what the bible says is right. The world is sin. The word is holy. There can be no sin in the word. We are called to complete holiness. We are held to no lower a standard. 1 Peter 1:13 "Be holy as I am holy". We have all heard the story before of the 2 batches of brownies; one was made entirely of poop, and the other batch with just a little poop. Which one would you eat. Hmmm...I am going to go with neither. Story told: the size of the sin doesn't matter. Little or a lot, its still sin.

We need to remember that when those around us fall, some are going to fall harder than others. Their sins are going to be more apparent because in our eyes its BIG sin. But big or little, its all the same in the eyes of the Lord. Keep that in mind the next time you decide to judge another sins over your own. (ouch)

William Penn said something like this: Right is right, even if the world says its wrong. But wrong is still wrong even if everybody is doing it. (my paraphrase)

We all fall short. We ALL need the redeeming power of Jesus. And we ALL must pray for those that have fallen around us. They need up lifting, they need restoration, and they still need Jesus.

Sin is just ugly.

Dance with me.

2010-01-03T14:16:00.000-08:00

not quite sure where this pic if from...sorry!

I don't know who this post is for...but the Lord stopped me in my tracks to write it...whoever you are, I pray that your heart would be softened, and that you would allow the Lord to penetrate your soul.

Luke 7:47 ...People who have been forgiven little, love little. (my paraphrase)...But she loves much for she was forgiven much.

We will never fully understand the fathers love for us. His love is deeper, more passionate than any love that we have ever experienced.

Christ died for our sins. He chose to die. We choose to sin. It is that sin that separates us from the Lord. BUT, the Lord so desperately wanting to be with us knew there had to be a consequence for our sins and sent himself to die a horrible death for you and me because our sin separated us from him...and he couldn't bare not to be with us. HE LOVES US. We were created to be in relationship with Him and He with us.

Listen to the words of this song by Ryan Long...to me, it depicts exactly the relationship that Jesus wants to have with us. Some of us need to be reminded that though we have sinned, the Lord is still standing by, waiting for us to come to Him. He wants to hold you, love you, forgive you.

Let the Lord dance with you. Let Him whisk you up in His mighty arms and dance with you...just as a daddy would his little girl.

You are loved...and He's waiting for you.

Thank you Lord for 2009

2009-12-29T17:42:00.000-08:00

For best viewing...please turn off my music and turn up the video.

I dedicate this to 2010. This year has been difficult for most...but for my family, it was down right painful. Its through the toughest of times that we get to see just how faithful our heavenly Father is. He brought us through 2009 stronger, wiser, and in the process, closer to Him. 2009 has broadened my faith for 2010, and I can only see more strength, more wisdom, and more fulfillment of His promises.

Thank you Lord for 2009!

Starting to tingle...

2009-12-26T22:10:00.001-08:00

I have titled this "Starting to tingle", because I feel that after being numb for so long, I am starting to wake up.

This Christmas was quite the eye opener. I have been so numb to the world around me, so discouraged, so failed that I had given up on my dreams, God's promise, I had given up on everything. I thought, "what's so wrong with an ordinary life? What's so wrong with a normal every day life?"...Everything. Everything is wrong with that when you know you are called to a life more than ordinary. I know that recently, God has placed purpose, and plans for my life right in front of me, and I have chosen to ignore them. I gave up on what I knew the Lord had promised me.

Almost a year ago, I was moving to Nashville. No plans ahead of me except to pursue a music career. My husband by my side, and the support of the people around me was all I had. I didn't even have a demo CD, moola, contacts, NOTHING. I wasn't ready. I know that I can't see every step of this journey that God has placed Robert and I on, but I know he's ordained every single minute of it.

March of this year was supposed to be the start of the beginning. Back in January, I remember thinking to myself "Life is going to change for me on March 26". I had no idea why I thought that, no idea why that date was significant. All I knew was that I had to hold on to that date as a precious promise that, that was going to be a day that was going to be the start of an amazing journey. What I didn't know at the time, was that on March 26th, I was going to be at a pastor's conference in Texas singing on a worship team. Our church heads up an organization called Sound the Alarm, and fortunately I was chosen to be apart of the worship ministry down there along with a few close friends. Long story short, on March 26th God spoke straight to my heart the exact words that I needed to hear; "that I was no forgotten, and that he would fulfill his promises". I would like to share something deep and personal with all of you. I feel the need to share this because more than ever I need to declare what the Lord started in me that day so that what has died inside of me can be awakened once again, so that God can finish the good work that he started inside of me over a year ago.

My journal entry March 26th 2008 (unedited, complete honesty)

"Stephanie, are you ready for what God is going to do through you? Are you waiting and trusting Him who spoke promises and desires into your heart? The God of Abraham has just as real of promises for you as he did for Abraham. DON'T LET GO! Hold to His never changing hand keeping your eyes on Him who began a good work in you. In January God spoke March 26th into your heart as a day that would be a turning point in your life. Today God reached down and penetrated your soul. He reminded you that "YES, GOD DID SAY!!!!" Through pastor Cymbala, God spoke Psalm 119:49; "Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope".

It's okay that you have yet to see the fulfillment of God's promise. But that does not mean that God wont fulfill!!!!!! Ask the Lord to keep opening doors, to shut up the voices of those who see no more of you than what their minds can perceive of you. YOU KNOW THE CALLING that you have received! Protect that calling, do not allow the enemy to steal away that which is in you that God created to use FOR HIS GLORY! Because God has given you hope and YOU HAVE a hope and a future.

Lord, remember your servant Stephanie. I heard you when you said "I have plans for you to sing and to reach the multitudes". I heard you when you said "pick up your cross and follow me" I heard you when you said "go". I will continue to wait. But Lord I must hear what is truth. Silence the hindering voice in my head that keeps me from breaking free. Help me to distinguish truth from the lies.

God's word to you is not dead!!! He still has plans for you. Have hope in the King eternal that ONLY has the best in mind for you!"

It's so good to be reminded of God's promises. It was this Christmas that my dad spoke to us about the promise that God presented to Mary. That she would give birth to the Messiah. What an impossible promise. But God (my two favorite consecutive words) fulfilled His promise. Though she was a virgin, she gave birth to a son, with a willing heart she said "Yes Lord, be it done to me as you have said".

So with that in mind, yes Lord, be it done to me as you have said. I give you my life, my agenda, my plans, my feelings, my purpose, my focus, my understanding...all to you. Do with my life what you will...I am yours and not my own.

As a declaration, I am going to hop back on to the path that the Lord had placed in front of me a long time ago...even though the path I am on isn't bad...I KNOW how much more there is out there. Abundancy. Wow. Great abundancy.

Thank you Jesus for taking the confidence that I had thrown away and replacing it with hope!!! Here's to a great 2010~!

Where've I been?

2009-12-18T17:06:00.000-08:00

This pic is of me and my mom out side of the Paramount in downtown Seattle, just before we went in to see the Radio City Rocketts! Please note how much we look alike...kinda weirds me out a little.

That my friends is a loaded question; "Where have I been"? I honestly don't know. I think I had forgotten who I was. I think I had lost my direction. And I think I had been coasting, just going through life as it came my way.

I have to battle negativity in my life. The battle gets pretty rough sometimes, and literally I just want to give up. Its hard to keep saying "it'll all work out", "you're going to be fine", "God is in control", over, and over, and over again. It's difficult being the one who is depended on when, really, I'm not at all capable of handling the severity of that role. I am a weak individual who finds herself literally taking on the burdens of the world around her, and these burdens have weighed her down so heavily that walking has become a daunting task. I have found myself anchored by the afflictions around me, robbing me of the ability to run. Its strange because its when we are weak that He is the most strong...but unfortunately my strength has yet to be restored.

That is...until last night. Last night something happened that once again put of voice to my lips and a passion in my heart. Last night...wait for it...I went to see the Rocketts! ... ??? ... I am sure that sentence just COMPLETELY caught you off guard not to mention cause a little worry that your friend Stephanie had lost her mind. ;o) But really, God spoke to me last night, and any time I am privileged enough to hear his voice I get excited!

If any of you have ever gone to see the Rocketts Christmas show, you know that it is truly one of the most fun, entertaining Christmas shows around. My mom has always loved the Rocketts so it was too fun to go to the show with her and watch those ladies kick! I knew that this was going to be an amazing show as my brother and sister had been a couple years prior and raved all about it!

The show takes a surprising twist at the end...bringing out a live Nativity, with real camels and real sheep. It truly is quite amazing. They read the story of the birth of the Christ who came and lived a humble life which was brutally ended at a young age. They called it the One Solitary Life. I would have to say that this presentation of the Nativity was one of the best I had ever seen. It was dramatic. It seemed that the show was attempting to make a proud and bold statement that Christmas was a celebration of the birth of Christ. They talked about his death on the cross, they made sure that you understood that this baby grew up to be a great man who changed the world. BUT...something was missing....well 2 somethings were missing.

I kept waiting, and waiting and waiting for the narrator to say "and they called Him Jesus"but His name was never spoken. Not once did they mention His powerful Name. The name that changes people, the name that casts out demons, the name that heals nations. No. That name was silenced. That name is offensive.

The other "something" I noticed was that there was no mention of his resurrection. Sure, this was a Christmas story. BUT, they went through the story of His entire life; His birth, His life, and His death. But no resurrection. The resurrection is the greatest part of all!!! With out His resurrection, we would still be a slave to sin!!

I know that the director, or writer, or whomever put together the Nativity production last night had to keep it P.C....but, if they were truly trying to impact a life, they left out the most important detail in the story of the Christ; that not only was He a King, not only was He a Priest, but He was GOD.

This is where God spoke to me. This is where he aloud my eyes to be opened to the schemes of the Enemy. I was lying in bed last night, trying to come off the high of the evening...I was thinking about the Nativity, thinking about the the parts that were missing, and that's when the Lord revealed to me that this was exactly Satan's plan. To make religion look soooooo close to the real thing, that it even deceives Christ followers. Satan knows that there is power in the name of Jesus. That there is power in His resurrection. He knows that without all the pieces of the puzzle that you are deceived. This is why I feel that those who "try Christianity" but still lack any intimacy with the Savior go back to their old life, because they don't feel fulfilled. But I ask you my dear friends, how can you be fulfilled without Jesus?

Unfortunately it has become cliche' that its about relationship and not religion. But there is no other way to put it. A religion can be fulfilling for a moment, but an intimate relationship a Savior is eternal. Don't be deceived. Without Jesus, and without His resurrection, we are still dying. Not even dying...we are dead. We NEED Jesus. He is our bread, our water, the very air that we breathe. He is all that we need. I know that this Christmas will only be about Him. I challenge you to not just think of an amazing man that came to die...but to ALSO think of the Savior, Jesus who came to die, and rose again so that we MAY LIVE! And not just live...I might add...but LIVE ABUNDANTLY!

Merry Christmas my dear, dear, dear friends. May abundant life meet you in the new year. Love you all!

Do you REALLY know your Father?

2009-10-15T21:25:00.001-07:00

I have come to the conclusion that a life changes upon the realization of whom their heavenly Father truly is. There are so many skewed perspectives of God, and that image of Him completely affects the way you choose to go through life.

The greatest woman that I know, grew up in a home where love wasn't freely given but earned. Where the only way to Jesus, was through fear and trepidation. And, where her best was never good enough. She never could rest in knowing she was loved, because she never really knew that she was. This up-bringing impacted her view of her heavenly father and has caused a lot of confusion in her adult life.

Through my work in Young Life I have seen the way that teenagers tend to view God. There is no fear of the Lord what-so-ever. They have it in their minds that they can do what they want, they'll be forgiven. No real understanding of His authority and power. This is why so many more teenagers are given over to what truly is the dark-side because they fear no consequence for their actions.

Then there was me. I don't know how, or at what point my image of God became so messed up. I grew up in a loving home, a great church, and truly a great community of friends. I really can't pin point why my perspective was so skewed. But I do remember when God told me who he wasn't. It was over a year ago. Life felt, claustrophobic...like at any point I was going to all together stop breathing. I remember thinking "why is God doing this to me?", "why is he being so hard on me?"...and I totally remember God giving me an image of me collapsed on the ground being crushed by a giant hand. And I remember thinking "he's just pushing me down until I cry "uncle"" and it was at that point that I heard the most gentle spirit say "that's not who I am". This changed EVERYTHING.

When you discover who God isn't, it really opens your eyes to a new life. We have to be so careful on how we view the Lord. There's no possible way that we will ever understand him on this earth, but knowing who he is not makes every day different. I can't really explain it other than that. I think its really a matter of saying in your every circumstance "what is the Lord doing, and what is He trying to teach me"...not "Why is he doing this to me?". We have to be careful not to try and define who he is by our own wants and desires...let me explain:

We live in a society that has adopted the phrase "that's not who MY God is". Did you catch the key word in that phrase? "MY" God. The world around us has come up with this notion that God is who we say he is, or who we want him to be, or what makes US the most comfortable. The few out there that read the piddly thoughts of this nobody in Washington knows already that I am not afraid to define what is truth from what is a lie. If you haven't heard it before, then let me be the first to tell you, God isn't defined by who you want him to be. He is defined by HIS Glory, HIS Sovereignty, HIS dominion, and HIS power.

When you fully understand that the Lord is completely on your side, that everything is for HIS glory and not your own, you will begin to experience abundant life. I truly feel that since my perspective on the Lord has changed, that I am living in abundance. If you knew the year that my family has gone through, you would be completely shocked by me calling my life "abundant". But its in everyone of these trials and circumstances that I have further experienced the fullness of God, and I don't think that would be the case if I still viewed him as a big bully. I would only have seen myself the victim, instead of his child.

Do you REALLY know your father? Take time to search your heart...I promise you that abundance stems from a deeper experience in your relationship with the Lord. Lets not be a lazy society who defines God by what fits our lifestyles, but lets let the Lord define himself in His omnipotence and power.

Stefie's Chic Boutique

2009-10-04T15:01:00.001-07:00

Welcome to my new fetish! I have started my own designer jewelry line, and I'm pretty excited!! Here is just a sneak peak of my latest pieces. Each piece is unique, one of a kind, and absolutely frivolous! Please say "hello" to a few of my lovely ladies...

Does this wet the appetite!? More to come!

So, Im not perfect? Weird.

2009-09-30T15:55:00.001-07:00

I have been plagued by the following phrase my entire life:

"Great things are in store for you Stephanie"

I know that in reading that you assume that this would be an encouragement, not a detriment. But as he does, Satan has taken something God breathed and defiled it.

Because I have clung so tightly to the promise of "great things", I have become discontent in every place that God has had me since. I have this nagging voice in the back of my mind that says if I don't become something "greater", then I have failed.

This discontentment has slowly crept into my heart over the years, and now has turned into bitterness. Bitterness is a disease to the soul that kills your joy and destroys your peace. It has been such a slow process that I didn't even see it coming.

I recently started recognizing the bitterness in my heart when I realized that I rarely had a love for people, I rarely sought out intentional relationships, and the worst part was when I actually found myself not caring about the salvation of the people around me. So what did this mean? Have I wondered away from the Lord? Have I been so focused on just getting by with my less than "great" life that I lost focus and purpose? Its time for me to love people. Its time for me to stop filling my life with so much busy-ness that the mere thought of being with people makes me cringe. There's no reason for me to complain about my life. There's no reason for me to think that where I am at is less than "great".

"Great things are in store for you Stephanie"....Does that mean that life is going to be perfect? By all means no. It means that I have a responsibility to be so much more focused on the lives around me, so much more intentional, and be willing to love so much more...because if, and I mean IF I am still destined for "great things", then I better start working a little harder for the Kingdom. Its just like what my husband said last night: "God has given you so much, but you're not thankful, why would he give you more when you don't even appreciate what you have?" I am sick of living with this disease. I am sick of being less than what God has created me to be. I am tired of never being happy...I am tired of never being content, always wanting more but never wanting what I have.

DON'T LET THE ENEMY GET INTO YOUR SOUL THIS WAY! Its a slow moving cancer that will take away all that God has created you to be. I for one will not allow the enemy one more step. I will not complain any longer. I WILL listen to the Holy Spirit when He leads, I WILL care for the people around me, I WILL RUN and NOT grow weary, I WILL BE MORE THAN A CONQUEROR IN JESUS NAME! Greater things are still to come? Maybe. Or maybe, greater things are happening all around me but my own bitterness had blinded me from seeing them.

Lord, may your amazing Grace un-blind my eyes, and soften my heart so that I may see that YOU are what's truly GREAT.

Thrown into the fire!

2009-09-10T11:31:00.000-07:00

This little stud muffin is my cutie patootie nephew Tommy. He's absolutely adorable, and because he's the only grand-boy/ nephew thus far, a family favorite.

Well...my brother and his family went camping over the Labor day weekend. He said the weekend was interesting, but still had a great time. He told me that on one of the nights, they had lit a fire to cook on and were all standing around it preparing dinner. That is when the scariest thing happened; Tommy fell right into the fire. My brother said that without hesitation he grabbed Tommy out of the fire and through him. Surrounding Tommy they looked all over him for burns, and miraculously no harm was found on Tommy. No burned clothing, no burns on his skin, nothing.

I was struck by this story. Immediately, God started speaking to me. He showed me how even though we go through the fire, we can come away un-burned. It made me think of the story of Shadrack, Mishaque, and Abendigo (or a billy goat, as Lissa said when she was little...and I made up the spellings of their names cuz no one really cares anyways...right?). I love it when the 3 are in the fire and the king says "I thought there were only 3 men in the fiery furnace, who is the 4th man who looks like a son of the gods" (Daniel 3) This says SO much about when we are faced with the "fire's" in our lives. That though we go through the fire, Jesus is right there with us. I also loved the image of my brother, (father) tearing Tommy away from the fire, rescuing him from the flames. That is just as our heavenly Father will rescue us from the painful trials that we face. Tommy still went into the fire, but his Father rescued him.

My favorite part of Shaddy, Mishy, and Bedigo's story is that once they went through the fire, they came out unburned, unscorched, and the best part; not even a smell of fire was on them. The greatest thing about the Lord is how much he cares for us. Because of sin being in the world, the pain's of life are inevitable. But when you see a person go through hell without the Lord, often times they still reek of brokenness and dispare long after their fire was put out. But with the Lord you go through the fire, you come out whole, restored, and new.

We never need to fear the fire. Infact, the awesome Shaddy trio (are my nick names getting old?) said to the king that he could go ahead and throw them in the fire, they weren't afraid. They said "We know that the Lord will be with us".

It's never comfortable to be standing in the fire. But the fire's we face, we need not fear, for our Father will rescue us.

I'm not who I was.

2009-09-08T15:50:00.000-07:00

This is a pic of me and my honey at my besties weddin' having a great time.

I love the song by Brandon Heath, "I'm not who I was". For those of you that don't know, before Robert and I made incredibly difficult life changes a year ago we were heavily involved in Young Life. Robert, my hunk of burnin' love (no, seriously...he's really hot), was the area director where we live for almost 5 years. Because of Young Life being our life, we were able to see lives transformed by the power of Jesus on a regular basis. Brandon Heath was saved at a Young Life camp years ago, and has since become a singer/ songwriter, and he's absolutely awesome (I don't know Brandon personally, I just know his story...repeat: I DO NOT KNOW HIM) ;o)

Since my husband and I made these "life changes" we are no longer involved in Young Life the way that we were. Its an awkward turn of events to just join right back in, after we said good-bye only 1 year ago. We will eventually be back involved in some way, shape, or form...I think it will just take time. Yes, there's a pride issue at hand: Its a little, well REALLY embarrassing that I didn't end up moving to Tennessee to do music. Robert tells me that I have no reason to be embarrassed, but I can't help but feeling stupid. I can't help but think what the ones that didn't believe in me or my calling are thinking now that I have stayed. Yes, so it turns out that God has us here for such a time as this, but we said "good bye"...our Christmas letter said "fare-well"...we told EVERYONE that we were moving. Yet, here we are. Its so funny cause you place Robert where ever and he's happy. Mr. Contentment is what I call him. So these feelings are all mine. Robert is just fine, you'll never hear him complain. (Man, why can't I be like that!? oops, was that just a complaint?! Not complaining is hard!)

Though I am a guilty complainer, I can't complain about where life has taken us. We are seriously blessed. We have a great marriage that we didn't know we were missing out on. Once my husband quit working for Young Life we found time together that we never knew we were missing. We eat dinner together, go to bed together, hang out together...these things may seem small, but we didn't have this in our first years of marriage, and now that we do, we absolutely LOVE each other all over again! We had no idea how little we saw of each other until now! And financially, God allowed me to keep working at my same job which is AMAZING, and my husband just got the most perfect job in the world for him!!! In-the-world I tell ya! God is so good!

What I know now that I didn't know then was that these were the steps that Robert and I had to take to be ready for what life threw at us this year. We had to be strong individuals for MANY people in our lives. We had to have wisdom, discernment, knowledge, and strength to help the hurting and broken people around us. We took on the battle with optimism instead of worry. Its a weird feeling to know that truly, everything was and is going to work out for good.

I'm not who I was a year ago. Gosh, I am not who I was 6 months ago. I have found a freedom in Christ, and for the first time in my life I have peace. Sure, my insecurities get in the way at times...but I have learned to trust in Jesus. There is such a freedom in trusting the Lord. Trust enables you to have faith, and give you endurance that you never had before in the battles of life.

I was watching the Cinderella Man over this rainy Labor day weekend, and there was the GREATEST line!!! It stuck out to me like a sore thumb. The Cinderella Man was in the boxing ring, fighting up against an opponent that he had battled before and lost to. In the middle the fight the opponent begins to lose, and his manager comes up to him and says "what's the matter? You have fought him before and won!" and that's when the opponent said "He's not the same man I fought before".

There are some women out there battling real battles of spiritual warfare. And I can just see the demons in hell saying to the Devil "I can't defeat her this time! She's not the same woman!" I believe this is me. I believe in reading your stories that this is, or will be you. I believe that I went through some serious battles in my life so that I would be well equipped for the battles that I face today. With the world around us the way that it is, you better be sure that you are fighting with your armor on, otherwise you may not make it. We go through seasons so that we learn how to be prepared for the next! A beautiful woman in my life once told me that we can't just sit and wait for the bad seasons to end. That we must search for the significance and grow and learn from that season...To become well equipped with the wisdom that we will need for the next. Wise woman she is.

I'm not a dooms dayer...but as I have said in prior posts; you better be sure that your feet are well planted in Jesus. Your life will shake, and it may even shatter. But if you have no foundation in Truth, no solid ground in Jesus, you will have nothing to rebuild on but that of a broken life. You don't have to be who you were yesterday. You can be new. You can be restored. You can be strong and courageous...yes, YOU!!! Your life can be brand, spankin', beautifully new! Just reach up and say, "Lord, I need you!"...and before you know it, you're rescued. There is no friend, no man, no awesome pair of shoes, that will fulfill your emptiness. Only Jesus can be all that you need. ONLY JESUS.

So, that's what I got today. I am where I am because its where God has placed me. All I know is that I am being used, and really, that's all that matters. My life is not my own, it was bought at a price.

Thank GOD I am not who I was!

2009-08-29T14:58:00.000-07:00

To my precious child...

I wish you could see things the way that I see them. I wish you knew how tightly I truly hold you in my hands. I really have you on the forefront of my mind. I have sent my Spirit to be with you in time of crisis, and in time of desperation. I saw you cry. So badly I wanted to wrap my arms around you and wipe every tear from your eyes. I was with you, I am with you.

I know you struggle with the circumstances of life. Trust me, this is not how I wanted your life to go. But, I will fulfill my promise; you will have life, and life to the fullest. You will soar, and you will have victory. When I created you, I created you with a purpose. I can't wait for you to see what I have for you, I just can't wait!

I see you struggling, I see you trying to create an end to the madness. But don't be afraid for I am with you. I will never leave you, nor forsake you. You can trust me with your life. I created you, I will protect you. If you could only see the process, and see the outcome you wouldn't give up. Not yet. You're so close, you're so close.

Satan wants nothing less than for you to hate me. Don't forget that. He hates everything that is good. I am turning what he intended for evil into something greater than you could ever imagine. That's why you can't see the outcome of this, because it isn't fathomable. Its really that great! I know the plans that I have for you. Plans to give you a HOPE and FUTURE! Plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I would never harm you. You are too precious to me! This is only a season of your life. This isn't going to define your life, this is only going to be the beginning of what is truly life. Oh the plans I have in store for those that love me.

Seek me with your whole heart. I have not hidden myself from you. I am always here, and I have been with you from the beginning. Oh my precious child, how much I love you. I got this. Rest in my arms, I am worthy to be trusted. I know you're tired, just lean up against me and breathe...take a moment and breathe. Feel my love for you.

I haven't forgotten you. I will fulfill the promises for your life. Greater things are still to come.

Love, your Heavenly Father.

Security.

2009-08-26T12:00:00.000-07:00

I have always struggled with insecurities. I have felt too much and not enough at the same time. I have always had someone in my life that has felt that they needed to break me down so that I wouldn't become too proud. Little did they know, I needed all the lifting up I could get.

As a little girl at the age of 7, I was already referring to myself as "fat" and "ugly". I remember thinking "if only I were skinny the boys would like me". At the age of 9 I remember bringing a bag of lettuce to school for my lunch telling everyone that I was on a diet, I knew exactly what I was saying; that I wanted to lose weight. I was 89lbs at the time, and I remember telling people that I only weighed 79lbs so that they wouldn't think I was fat. This was all before I even entered the awkward years of junior high. My insecurities continued as the boys used to say I caused an eclipse when I walked into a room. I wasn't really all that big...I was just in an awkward stage as every kid goes through. I do have to say that I was lucky enough to have 2 ugly phases, when the average kid only has one. I guess the Lord was trying to make me humble??? Unfortunately I decided to deal with the issue at hand as many girls do at that age and I became anorexic and bulimic at the very young age of 13. I dropped 35lbs in less than a month, and still found no happiness in my appearance. Not to mention, the boys still called me "fat". Without carrying on with stories that I am sure we all have, I will get to what I hope will bring a little more security to your life, as well as mine.

So, what is it that takes away our security? What is it that makes us feel so insignificant? I can only think of one answer; Satan is trying to steal our joy.

I think the biggest battle that women face is fear of being too much, and fear of being not enough. We compete to no ends with each other, rarely feel genuinely happy with each others successes, and never feel content to be just who we are. Anothers womans success makes us feel that we have some how failed.

The beauty of woman is found true in her heart. Have you ever met a woman that was so beautiful on the inside that you never even noticed her outward appearance? THAT is exactly how we are to come across. We are not to act out in our insecurities, but to always act out in love. Beauty is fleeting, but a heart after the Lord is eternal.

If I could encourage all of us, myself included, to love the others around you more than you love yourself. I never used to get that statement, because I thought "I don't love myself, I hate myself"...But really, love or hate you are still thinking of yourself more than you think of others. Lets take our every thought captive. Lets not entertain those devastating lies from the enemy that destroy our souls saying that "we're not enough", or that "we're too much".

Here's the truth: That you were perfectly knit together in your mothers womb (Ps 139:13-14). That you, yourself were created in the image of your Heavenly Father(Gen. 1:27). That you are perfectly and wonderfully made (Ps 139:13-14). Don't forget your Creator.

The Role of a Wife.

2009-08-05T22:28:00.000-07:00

I am surrounded by women these days who have hurt marriages right now...Just a disclaimer to those women around me...this posting isn't for anyone specifically by any means...I am just sharing what God has placed on my heart. So don't think "Stephanie's trying to tell me something"...NO that's not what I am doing AT ALL. (I do, do that sometimes though HA!)

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlargens what is given to her. So if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of s**t."

This quote was forwarded to me in an email earlier this week. Though I laughed, I must say that this quote sums up everything that a woman was never meant to be. I believe that one of the biggest struggles in marriages today (even Christian marriages) is that the woman has taken on the role of "leader". Trust me, I am all about the power of a woman, and that this "power" is created in us...however, may I be as bold to say that we have abused this power. This is what I believe...that woman are strong, VERY strong. We can do multiple things at once, we can tackle the days challenges and still have dinner on the table...we also have a tendency to figure things out a little quicker than our men. BUT, it is not our job to make men feel inferior. No, that is what the Enemy does every single day to them...Satan really doesn't need our help there. I myself, have been a tool in the enemies hand...accusing my husband of not doing or being enough...not capable of supplying my every need...basically being selfish in every way. But the passage below says that we are to honor our men, be their cheerleader. Some of us have fallen into this idea that men don't need praise as much as women. I am gonna tell you that is bull. Men need more praise, and more pats-on-the-back than any woman. The reason we get confused by this is that men don't need to hear these praises from just any one...they need to hear it from their wife. I believe that the scripture below is complete truth, in that if we bless our husbands (no matter what they've done) we in return will be blessed.

The following describes in perfect detail, better than I ever could the role of a woman in a marriage....

My sister showed me this passage, and the translation (The Message) really struck a chord within me:

1 Peter 3:1-12

"The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words of God, will be captivated by your holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance-the style of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes-but your inner disposition.

Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy woman of old were beautiful before God in that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as "my dear husband." You will be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.

(...) Summing up: Be agreeable, be sympathetic, be loving, be compassionate, be humble. That goes for all of you, no exceptions. No retaliation, no sharp tongued sarcasm. Instead bless. You'll be a blessing and also get a blessing."

***Thank you Lissa for showing me this scripture!***

Be a blessing to your husbands...sure, many of them don't deserve it. BUT, for better or for worse you are in a partnership. With Jesus at the center of that relationship, restoration WILL come. Jesus is the only one that can heal, the only one whom you will find comfort, and the only one that can fill that void. Your husband can never be these things...he was created to be your partner, not your security. Look to Jesus for the strength to bless and encourage your husband, and blessing will soon follow. The bible wouldn't say it if it weren't true.

The Bedroom Makeover...

2009-07-26T16:33:00.001-07:00

Well...I am finally getting to post about my FABULOUS bedroom make over! My new bedroom is so warm and cozy! I am so excited I LOVE IT! This is what it looks like now:

And this is what it looked like before:
I am so happy with the transformation! It only cost me less than $120 bucks! Holla!

XOXO!

The Faith of a Fearless Warrior.

2009-07-24T14:12:00.000-07:00

I have decided that this is EXACTLY the type of woman God has called me to be. That I would be fearless...that I would have Faith...and that I would be a warrior! RAWR!!!!

For some odd reason, this phrase ..."the faith of a fearless warrior..." was running over and over again on the reader board of my mind. And I thought...what does that look like?! So, I used my friend google. I love google, it literally answers all my questions! Ha!

Anywho...I typed in that phrase "The faith of a fearless warrior" and this blog posting came up (unfortunately I forgot to bookmark where the sight was)...and it was this ladies story of how she was mowing the lawn and all these grasshoppers and bugs were doing there best to stay out of the way of dangerous lawn mower that inevitably was coming their way...she said all the bugs did this except one, the praying mantis. She said that when danger approached instead of running, the mantis literally put up its dukes with a look on its face that said "try me, I dare ya". Let me tell ya, I want to be like that praying mantis. I want to look at the hell that Satan throws my way and say "Oh yah, try me, I dare ya."...To me, that's the faith of a fearless warrior. Standing up in impossible circumstances, where everyone else yells defeat, you yell "bring it on, we'll see who wins".

MAN! If I do say so myself, this post is AWESOME! Take it, and do with it what you wish! Its blessed me! ;o)

Therefore, be STRONG and COURAGEOUS!

2009-07-21T10:51:00.001-07:00

Joshua 1:3-9

" I promise you what I promised Moses: 'Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you...No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you...Be Strong and courageous. Be careful to obey all the instructions...Do not deviate from them...Then you will be successful in everything you do. Study the book of instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. This is my command-be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

There are two things that I get out of this absolutely awesome scripture:

The first thing that struck my soul was that I am not in the Word or in God's presence nearly enough. "Day and night" is what this scripture suggests, to be in His Word to read his instruction. He says that when we do this, we will be more inclined to obey. And in obedience to his instruction, we gain the understanding that as long as we are with him, we are where we are supposed to be.

The second thing that I noticed is that he is commanding us to be strong. Commanding us to be courageous. Did you catch that?! He is not requesting, or suggesting...NO! He is COMMANDING us to be strong and courageous! (stick with me here...) So, are we then living in disobedience when we act out in our weakness? Well, I have to be as bold to say that this scripture made me realize that weakness is not of the Lord but a disobeying of what he has commanded. So then I have to question, would he command that of us which is impossible? Leviticus 11:44 and 1Peter 1:16, the Lord says "Be Holy for I am Holy". Eesh. Difficult. Just plain difficult. I believe in a God that holds us to the highest of standards, knowing that well, we would fail. He knows our potential, and wants to push us into that abundant life that he has promised. But I believe that He commands this of us so that we wouldn't rely on our own strength. He knew that we wouldn't be strong enough on our own which is why he says "in your weakness, I am made strong" (2Cor. 12:9-10). So no, its not impossible to be strong and courageous. Its not impossible to be holy. However, it is impossible to do any of those things without the LORD.

So, what can I leave you with? BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS! Not because I wrote a measly blog posting about it, but because GOD COMMANDS IT OF US! The first step to courage is acknowledging your failed attempts to succeed on your own strength...dust off today, and face tomorrow with a new strength. And should you fail again, be strong and courageous and face the next day with a brand new strength. Should you fail again...I think you get the picture.

One cannot consent to creep when one has an impulse to soar. ~Helen Keller

Trust.

2009-06-25T08:45:00.000-07:00

Photo: THIS IS HOW IT FEELS TO BE FREE!

"TRUST in the Lord with all your HEART and lean not on your own understandings..." ~Proverbs 3:5

This is probably one of the most familiar passages in the bible...it speaks so much wisdom into our lives today. Trust is a choice. Not only is it a choice to trust, but its a choosing to become vulnerable. Do you know what it means to be vulnerable? Websters says "To be vulnerable is to be susceptible to attack". I think that is why its so terrifying to trust.

So what do we know?

- Trust is a choice

- With trust comes vulnerability

- Becoming vulnerable leaves you susceptible to attack.

This is what I know; if you don't fight when you're under attack, you will be defeated. When God asks you to trust him, he is asking for you to trust him completely. You can't trust and still have control. You must give it all to him. Yes, it ALL. As painful, as difficult, and as uncomfortable as it WILL be, you must give it all to HIM. If you don't your hands will be too full of your crud to fight, and you will be unable to with stand the enemy and his evil schemes. The out come may not be what you want it to be (lean not on your own understandings...) but, it will be the out come of HIS will and HIS authority. Do you trust that God has the best in mind for those that love him? (1 Cor. 2:9).

A lot of times its hard to trust when we have been damaged, bruised, and beaten. Its even harder to continue to trust when we are vulnerable and under attack. All I can say, is that though you're tired, though you're weak, you can't give up now. Put up your dukes! I know you can fight! I know you'll have VICTORY! I know that LIFE will be BEAUTIFUL! That you will experience more than you could have ever imagined or hoped for!!!! HE IS GOOD, and ONLY good can come from HIM!

Break free from the fear of TRUST! We pray to be free from the chains that bind us, but once God releases us to be free, we neglect to let go of the chains. This happens because we fear letting go because those chains are all that we know and without them, we lose any sort of control.

LET GO, LET GOD. LET GO, LET GOD. LET GO, LET GOD.

"Shake lose everything that binds you up! Who told you that you can't take it, when GOD says that you can MAKE it!" For Paul and Silas, when they were bound...it took a VIOLENT earthquake (a shaking of their foundation) to break them free...and what did they do in the midst of the shaking, in the midst of what is said to be some of the deepest pain they would have ever experienced? THEY PRAISED GOD! "I want you to know, you're about to break free...".

"Those of you out there feeling bound, let me tell you, YOU CAN BREAK FREE!"

The best way to fight the enemy in the midst of your trusting is to praise God through every trial, every pain, and every fear! Praise HIM! PRAISE HIM!

"all things work to the good for those that love the Lord...all things, all things, all things, all things!" Trust him!

Strength.

2009-06-15T11:17:00.000-07:00

Today, I have to decide what I am made of. I often speak of having a life built on "nothing less than Jesus blood and righteousness", having hope in things eternal, life built on a firm foundation (which is Christ). And though I know that my life is no doubt built on Jesus, I feel weak.

I must confess, my strength has been deflated. There are SO many people in my life who are going through it (this is where I would really like to use a cuss word...for kicks, insert your favorite one here). So many whose lives have been shaken to the core with nothing left but the voice of God saying "DO YOU TRUST ME?".

So today, I have to say "yes Lord, I trust you." A deep, real trust in the Lord gets you to see the big picture. Last night, God showed me that we have a tendency to be so focused on our problems and situations, that we miss Jesus in the big picture. Its like focusing on the nose of the Mona Lisa, never seeing the rest of the portrait. He told me to step outside of the situation, to look at the big picture. Wow, its beautiful. The little details, the bold statements, the love in the design. I just can't get over it.

My strength will be restored. As will yours. As we trust Him with our lives we will see true freedom and victory. Release yourself into His presence. Release your burdens, He can handle it. Let him carry the load.

Promise.

2009-06-11T12:29:00.000-07:00

"God is not a man that he should lie...when he makes a promise, he will fulfill" Numbers 23:19

I think we can all get discouraged at times. Through out life we conquer a hill, and as soon as we get over the hill, we see the mountain ahead of us. You find yourself asking "Will this climb get easier? When will my valley (rest) come?" All that we have to hold onto in those moments is what God has promised us.

What has God promised you?

All I can say is that when God has promised you something, he will fulfill it. You must protect those promises and hold onto them as the precious gifts that they are because Satan will try and is trying to steal them from you. Write them down. In my devotional, I write down every word that God has spoken to me. I do this because I know that Satan is going to tempt me with "...did God really say....?" just as he did to Eve in the Garden of Eden. When I write down God's promises I can say "YES! God did say!".

2 Peter 1:4 God has "...given us exceedingly great and precious promises". Hold them dear to your heart under the breast plate of righteousness to protect them from the lies of the enemy.

Its time to tell the Devil "YES! God did say!", and rid yourself of the fear that He wont indeed fulfill those promises...because, "God is not a man that He should lie"! He gave you those promises, and HE will fulfill them! Sit back, BE STILL, and let the Lord shine in what he does best; FULFILLING HIS PROMISES!

XOXO!

JOY!

2009-06-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

This morning I got to work, and I decided to google "Joy". Yes, I googled at work...yes, I am blogging at work too...tisk, tisk, tisk. BUT, I just have to tell you what the Lord says about JOY! I can hardly hold it back!

Psalm 30:5 "...Weeping may endure for the night but JOY cometh in the morning"!

Psalm 126:5 "Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of JOY"!

Psalm 30:11 "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with JOY"!

Isaiah 12:2 "Surely the Lord is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, THE LORD, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation (JOY)"!

Isaiah 35:10 "...and the ransomed of the Lord will return. They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting JOY will crown their heads. Gladness and JOY will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away"!

Romans 12:12 "Be JOYful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer"!

It's time to dance ladies. Don't hold back, dance! Dance as though you know that today is the day that my joy will be made complete! Dance for Jesus! Dance for joy!

Hope.

2009-06-02T10:02:00.000-07:00

Websters definition of hope: To cherish a desire with anticipation.

Those most dear to me are in need of a little hope. I love Websters definition of hope. You never hope in something you don't desire, you never hope in something you hate, you hope in the things you love and cherish. The best part of Websters definition is that its active. "...with anticipation". Waiting with anticipation means you're excited, you can't wait for it, but you expect it.

I love the above picture of Emma. She looks as those she is patiently waiting for her prince. But she's so young, too fragile for him to come now. But as she gains wisdom and understanding in the Lord, her prince will come. So for now, she waits for her prince with anticipation that God is getting him just as ready for her as he is getting her ready for him. Your prince will come.

You need to set your hopes in the Lord because he will never fail you...not even that, he CAN'T fail you. Its not in Him to fail.

What is it that you cherish? Do you cherish perfect love that doesn't fail? Put your hope in the Lord. Do you desire joy? Put your hope in the Lord. Wait with anticipation for what the Lord WILL do! Wait for the perfect gift of restoration. Pray that the Lord restores your soul, giving you peace. Be still, and in your stillness....listen. Remain quiet, and listen. He is speaking ever so gently into your life, just listen. If you think you can't hear, sit, be still, wait with anticipation...and listen. He is still speaking.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans that I have for you....plans to prosper you and not to harm you....plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE!"

Be Still

2009-05-23T09:41:00.001-07:00

It's amazing to me that during the midst of storms God asks us to "be still". When the waves of life are crashing around us, we are drowning and can't breathe, we are reaching up for rescue, God says to "be still".

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God".

To me this says, "Child, let me handle this, let me show you how sufficient my grace is for you". Its boggling to think that before the worst of trials we think we could never make it through, that we couldn't handle this or that, or that we wouldn't live through it...but yet, when our world collapses, we do make it through, we do find the strength and we do live through it all. God's grace is sufficient in everyone of our circumstances. The reason that we may feel that we would never make it through is because at that time, we only have the grace that is sufficient for us in that moment. But, when we need Him most, He pours out His grace...sufficient for that circumstance. It has nothing to do with our own power, but it has everything to do with His grace. The Lord isn't going to give us a substantial amount of grace before we need it. His grace is not something that can be wasted. We are given just the amount that we need at all times. Just check out my sisters blog.

If you were to ask an experienced swimmer what to do when you're in troubled waters and can't make it through, they would say that the best thing to do for your survival would be to relax, and not to fight the current. I think that is why God is asking us to be still, because the more we flail around, the harder its going to be for us to get air.

So this is what I leave you with...be still. KNOW that He is God. Like I have said in prior posts, when your life is built on the Solid Rock, which is Christ, and the world around you shakes...you WILL still stand because your hope was not set on things of this world, but on things above. That is why you are able to fight. He is made strong through your weakness, and gives you HIS strength to take on the battle that was already won on your behalf.

Having a blast!

2009-05-09T16:42:00.000-07:00

Loving my trip!

Its almost time!

2009-05-04T17:28:00.000-07:00

I am getting so excited! Its almost time to throw off everything that hinders, and relax. My brain checked out days ago, and the only thing on my mind is Hawaii. This up and coming trip will be amazing no doubt because I get to spend it with Robert. We are best friends, and enjoy each others comany immensly. I can't wait for all my time to be his and all of his time to be mine. My favorite thing is going to be the early morning walks to Whalers Village, getting some coconut lattes and enjoying relaxation at its best. I can't wait for the sandy beaches, the sunshine, and well...the shopping. Aloha Oe'!

~Get Your Party Hats!~

2009-05-01T08:00:00.000-07:00

It's our Birthday month! We have our party hats...do you have yours? Party with us!

Happy Birthday Sissy!

You are one hot mammmmmmmaaaa.

A peak at my potty....seriously.

2009-04-29T09:00:00.000-07:00

These faaabbbbuuuulllouuus photos are from my potty. For some reason, this is one of my favorite places to look at in my home.

The soaps in this picture are from our stay in Oahu...yes, I steal toiletries from the hotels I stay in. ;o)

This is a garage sale find...from my sisters garage sale...that I decided to use for my sponges...for exfoliating of course.

And I like to imagine that instead of a scuzzy apartment building, beyond that window is the beach...seriously, I imagine that all the time.

Did you enjoy my potty!?...I'm so odd.

Frivolous and Fabulous!

2009-04-28T20:29:00.000-07:00

This is the Fabulous gift that my sissy got me for my birthday! Its what I call "Frivolous and Fabulous!" Enjoy!

*Scale not included ;o)

He's Been Faithful.

2009-04-25T18:40:00.000-07:00

Though the song sounds dated, the lyrics are more powerful than ever. Thank you Jesus for your faithfulness. You are so faithful to do exceedingly and abundantly more than we could ever hope or imagine. You ARE FAITHFUL! Your power exceeds excellence...you are magnificent and holy. Without you I am nothing.

In my own moments of fear

Through Every Pain, Every Tear

There's A God Who's Been Faithful To Me.

When My Strength Was All Gone.

When My Heart Had No Song.

Still In Love, He's Proved Faithful To Me.

Every Word He's Promised Is True.

What I Thought Was Impossible I've Seen My God Do.

He's Been Faithful. Faithful To Me. Looking Back His Love And Mercy I See.

Though In My Heart I Have Questioned And Failed To Believe.

He's Been Faithful, Faithful To Me.

When My Heart Looked Away

The Many Times I Could Not Pray.

Still My God Was Faithful To Me.

The Days Are Spent So Selfishly

Reaching Out For What Pleased Me.

Even Then God Was Faithful To Me.

Every Time I Come Back To Him.

He Is Waiting with Open Arms.

And I See Once Again....

He's Been Faithful, Faithful To Me.

Looking Back His Love And Mercy I See.

Though In My Heart I Have Questioned

Even Failed To BelieveYet He's Been Faithful, Faithful To Me.

Photo's that describes me....

2009-04-22T18:57:00.000-07:00

These are the photo's that I would say best describe me....
1. Drinking Coffee in Oahu at the Honolulu Coffee company (you will see heavens doors in the middle of the photo...thats how much I love this place)
2. My hunky, studly, oh so buff and hot husband. (Yes, I was tan too, you just can't tell)

3. Frankie-D, I love my little guy.

4. My sister...I wouldn't be who I am without her. She's not just my sis, she's my bestfriend.

4. These are my 3 best friends since I was little. From the left, Katie, Erika, and Kath (the one with the mullet in a prior post;o)) Katie and I have been friends since we were 2, Erika is actually my husbands cousin, and we have known eachother since we were 9, and Kath and I have been friends since we were 5.

These are the photos that I believe best describe me. Hope this wasn't boring. ;o)

~Something to look forward to~

2009-04-14T19:19:00.000-07:00

For almost a year now, I have been waiting in anticipation for my up and coming trip to Maui!! The weight has been lost, the tan is being browned, the bikini's been bought, and the anticipation is high! This trip just happens to fall during my birthday, and I can't think of a better way to celebrate turning 27. This trip almost seems perfect as the flights were a gift as well as the stay. This is truly a gift from the Lord.

Because I struggle with contentment, I have found myself saying "Well...after Hawaii, what do I have to look forward to?". Robert and I hardly find the time, nor the money to go on any extravagant trips. This trip is a big one, and just can't see when we will get an opportunity like this again. But as God does, he gently spoke to my heart and reminded me that ahead of me are the promises of God. I have everything to look forward to.

The best things are yet to come for Robert and I. Because my blog was originally intended to keep friends and family informed as to what was going on in the journey to Nashville, I have decided to update the many of you who are asking, "now that February has come and gone, what does that mean for your move to Tennessee?" Well, we are in a time of waiting. Who knew that when we put our townhouse on the market that the economy was going to get this bad. Because of the bad economy our townhouse has not sold, and as a result, took it off the market after 5 agonizing months, as we didn't see any benefits of keeping it on. The dream and the calling still remain strong in our hearts, but the path seems a little longer than originally anticipated. In August, we believe that the Lord called us to move to Franklin, Tennessee. I have always longed for a music career, and Robert and I were willing to give up everything to go. From the beginning, Robert and I said that we couldn't afford to go if our house didn't sell. The house is the only thing that anchors us here in Edmonds. Right now, we are just waiting. Currently, Robert is working with his dad doing plumbing. Robert really enjoys being apart of the family business, and is proud of the work he is doing. Fortunately for me, my job aloud me to rescind on my withdrawal from employment, and was welcomed back with open arms.

Many of you are suggesting that maybe this would have been the only way that Robert would have quit his position at Young Life, and that we were never really moving to Nashville. Well, that is all well and good, but until God shows us that, we can't put our faith in that path instead. God didn't call Robert out of Young Life to be a plumber. That just doesn't make sense...If that is what God has called Robert to for this season, then we welcome it, and are grateful for the new opportunity. But, God has to make that clear to us. More clear than when we heard "GO".

This is what the Lord has said to us recently: "Ignore the giants and step into your promise land". (That was the word spoken to Chris and Vanessa when they were praying for me and Robert and few weeks ago). "Wait with expectancy, wait with anticipation". "God has not forgotten his servant, you will see the fulfillment of My promise"

So yes, I still have something to look forward to. Hawaii is just a gift. When I get home from Maui, I get to look forward to the promises of God. It doesn't get much better than that.

Lamp unto my feet.

2009-03-15T17:05:00.000-07:00

So many times in life, I feel like I can't see the path that's in front of me. I hold onto Jeremiah 29:11 with unwavering hope that he truly has a plan for me. I have a hungry heart to reach the multitudes, in multitudes. I want to be like a Beth Moore, or a Martha Munizzi. A strong, knowledgeable woman of faith. But, is this what God has for me? The only thing that I know, is that I must give the Lord my will. Let HIS be done in my life.

I'm not a patient women, they were out of that virtue when I was created. But I am learning patience. What I have learned about the Lord is that sometimes, he doesn't just light up the entire path...sometimes, he just lights up one step at a time.

Psalm 119:105 says "Your word is a lamp onto my feet, and a light unto my path." I put the picture up of Frankie and my husband in bed this morning. I thought it was sooooo cute that their little feet were sticking out together!

God's word is what guides us. Without our knowledge in His Holy Word, we have no compass, no map, and no direction...no light unto our path. We MUST be in His word, and learn who He is. As we learn who He is, we learn more about who we are BECAUSE we are IN Him and He is IN us!

He is directing our paths...and if you can't quite make out the next step, THATS OKAY! God is not going to lead you off a bridge, he is not going to leave you stranded...Its ok to trust Him! Few! Doesn't that feel good!? You can just rest knowing that God has already set the path. I can just see God thinking..."ooohh She's gonna be so surprised! She thought she knew, but she has no idea what I have in store for her! I love her so much!". That is exactly who God is, the lover of your soul.

Take a deep breath...we all go through seasons. But don't just wish for this season to end. Embrace it, and take from it all that you will need for your next season!

Is your life built on sinking sand?

2009-03-13T15:31:00.000-07:00

Where would I stand if everything that I found comfort in washed away, and all I had was Jesus, would He be enough? If I lost my home, my income, my family, my dog, my coffee (Oh Lord NO!), my husband...every good and perfect gift from the Lord was gone...Would Jesus be enough?

If you're a Christ follower, you may feel that its your obligation is to say yes...but it should be because of your devotion to say yes. I have to ask my self if I am being honest when I say "yes Lord, you are enough"...or when I sing the song at church, "You're more than enough for me". DO I REALLY MEAN IT?!

Let's face it...a lot of us are a little down these days. Some of us are dealing with job loss, cut wages, loss in the stock market, and if you're in Seattle the all too common crappy weather. Some people are dealing with even more difficult issues such as sickness or death. Though these are painful times, I must say they're not hopeless times. I think I have more hope now than I have ever had. So as comfort slips away, I stay hopeful.

Not to be Debbie downer...(hopefully there isn't really a person named that!) but this could be just the start of our troubles. Is your hope set on things eternal? Is Jesus enough for you? My encouragement to all those who think believing in Christ is enough...To get into the word and out of the world...pick up your cross and follow after Him. Take your eyes off your self, and set them on the Lord. If you don't drench your life with the Spirit then when your foundation is shaken you will fall. We need to be so strong in the Lord that when everything that we know is gone, we can still stand because our hope is not in anything but the Lord.

Everything other than Christ is sinking sand. Christ is the solid ROCK. Make sure that you are building your life on things above and not just things of comfort. We find rest in the Lord, not in our things, friends, or family. Until we learn that, we will forever be seeking comfort in all the wrong places. The scheme of the enemy is to keep us distracted, keep us blind to what is Christ. But don't let yourselves be so consumed with comfort that you miss Christ. True rest, comfort and peace can only come from the Lord! Get your life out of the sinking sand, and set your eyes on Jesus.

Truly ask yourself, is Jesus enough for you. If all that you found comfort in was taken away from you would you find that Jesus was enough, or would you blame him for taking away your comfort? Please set your feet on the solid Rock. I promise you that if your life isn't already based off Jesus, that you are already drowning and don't even know it. When all that you know is washed away, don't be washed away from Jesus, but stand firm with Jesus is this storm.

Gluten Free?

2009-02-27T08:51:00.000-08:00

Oh man...For the next 40 days I am going to attempt to be gluten free. I am only on my 2nd day, and my body is going through bread withdrawls. I feel like a bread addict that can't get her fix. My cute, sweet, oh-so-adorable husband decided to bake up a glorious looking pizza yesterday right in front of me. The crust was a delightful, moist, cheesy thing that was saying..."eat me, eat me, eat me". Ahhh! The wheat is everywhere! But, I need to do this. So here I go, already hungry for my second meal at 9 am. This is going to be rough, but if my little nieces can do it, so can I! So in the words of my small, precious little Emma I will for the next 37 days be asking "Is this gwuten fwee?".

~Best Friends~

2009-02-25T13:35:00.000-08:00

This is my best friend (I actually have 4 best friends...but this is one very special one). We have been best friends since she and I were 5 years old. And yes, we had matching outfits that read "Best Friends" that my mom made us! I love her so much and I am so thankful for our friendship!

On the offering table

2009-02-24T14:35:00.000-08:00

The last three days I have successfully woken up and had my quiet time with the Lord. He is so faithful to show up when I take the time to meet with Him. Yesterday morning, I felt in my heart to read Genesis chapter11. Wouldn't you know it that this was where the story of Abraham began. I have been thinking about Abraham a lot this past year because he saw the fulfillment of God's promise. It is amazing how God just casually says read here, and its exactly what you need for that moment. Anyways, I was reading about Abraham, and the promise that God set before him; that in his old age he would have a son.

God promised Abraham a son. But instead of trusting completely that God intended for him to have a son with his wife, he laid with another women who would be more likely to bare him a child than Sarah his wife. Abraham took the reigns. Yes, he had a son...but this son wasn't the fulfillment of the promise of God. He made it happen rather than just letting God. Once Abraham let God take control he had his first son with his wife Sarah, and named his son Issac. Isaac was one of the fulfillment's of God's promise to Abraham.

The craziest part of the story of Abraham and his son, was that God asked Abraham to sacrifice Issac unto the Lord. When God asked Abraham to lay his son on the offering table to sacrifice before the Lord, he was asking Abraham to lay before the Lord His promises and the very thing that he held so dear to his heart. What I saw was that our lives (me and Robert) are currently on an alter before the Lord. What I see is that Abraham was very old and weak, and Isaac was young and strong. Isaac could have easily fought off his father and not become the sacrifice, but because he trusted his father, he laid on the offering table.

What Robert and I are going through must have a foundation of trust unto the Lord. If our foundation isn't trust, than we are going to always feel insecure in our future. But with hope and trust, we have faith in a great future, and the fulfillment of God's promise. What we need to do during this time is listen. In the Old Testament, God speaks A LOT. He is the same God today as He was then, so he must still speak. I believe that with the distractions of life, we have a much harder time listening. That is why we must be so careful about what we are listening too.

My dear, dear, dear, friends, please pray that Robert and I would take every thought captive. That while we are waiting for the answers to the journey ahead that we would wait patiently.

Lord, I have said it once if I have said it one hundred times...I will wait for you. But now I know that I will wait for you, even if it means waiting on my knees.

Box of Happiness

2009-02-22T17:44:00.000-08:00

This is one of my most precious things that I have. Its a little box of all the notes, cards, and letters my husband has given me since our wedding night. When I open this box, I am reminded everytime of how much I love my amazing husband. He's so funny and so good to me. I just wanted to share this little box of happiness with all of you. Maybe you'll start one too? Or, maybe you already have one. Whatever it is, I deeply encourage you to make one, cause these memories are the best. XOXO

Desperate to Nest

2009-02-20T09:34:00.000-08:00

I can't wait for tomorrow! My husband will be gone for most of the day, and I have all Saturday to do some seriously needed nesting! I have really had a transformation of heart in the last 2 days. I am seeing issues of my heart that I had been blind to, and I am seeing the reasons for feelings that I have been well...in bondage to. I want to step out and say that I AM thankful for my job. It is really a great job, my boss is a hoot...I don't know if she really means to be, but I am entertained by her. ;o) Yes, I do dream of someday doing something that suites me better, but I am thankful that I am where I am. I have realized that the only reason that I get un happy with my job is that it takes away from my nesting time. God created women to be nesters, to want to serve their husbands and keep a clean home. Because of my job, I always feel that I fall short in that area cause I just don't have the time. So tomorrow, I am going to clean, clean, clean, organize, make a yummy dinner, make a dessert...and who knows what else the little Martha in me will be up to! I can't wait for tomorrow!

I do want to say to those women who get to nest...that I am so envious of you. Not jealous, but envious...I am happy for you. You are doing exactly what God created you to do, and I think its amazing. Some day, this will be me too. But right now, the best way for me to serve my husband is by working a 40 hour a week job, and keep a little bit of the pressure off. I do believe I am where I am cause its where God has placed me. I wouldn't want to be any where else but in God's hands. I have always said if you're with God, then you are where you are supposed to be. So simple, but so true.

God bless, and go nest! Wahoo!

He's always right

2009-02-18T11:16:00.000-08:00

I have to say that I am a bit of a complainer. I know, I know, shocking huh? I realized last night through some gentle, nudging from my husband that God cannot use me as long as I am feeling sorry for myself. Robert didn't exactly say that, but he did say that I needed to be thankful no matter what I was doing, no matter where I was going. He was a bit frustrated with me for posting to the world my discontentment. And frankly, I am a little embarrassed myself. My husband is the perfect example of contentment...and for some reason I get annoyed that he's so content. But I am the one that's in the wrong here...we're supposed to be content...geesh! What's wrong with me!? ;o) He 100% believes that no matter where he is in life, no matter what life brings his way, it is the Lord leading Him. I believe that too, but there's a catch to my belief...I still want what I want. With Robert his contentment is so pure, and so true to God's word. Last night I said to Robert, "I am going to tell you how I feel, and I want to hear what your advice would be...but I don't want to hear what you would tell anybody, I want to hear it as your wife". I knew what I was saying, I wanted Robert to tell me what I wanted to hear. But that's not the man I married. He looked me in the eyes and said "Sweetie, I will always tell you the truth, even if its hard to hear. And I will always tell you what is Biblically the right way to act". Ouch. But honestly, would I want my husband to be any other way? No, not at all. He is supposed to guide me. He is responsible for leading me.

I have had a tight hold on the reigns of my life. When you're holding the reigns, your hands are gripped tightly as to not let go. But, I remember back to what the Lord has taught me...to hold my hands open ready to receive. I have been so concerned with holding the reigns, that I have been unable to receive anything. I feel like Carrie Underwood.."Jesus take the wheel!"...ha ha, this makes me laugh (for reasons only known to myself). ;o)

I am tired of the roller coaster of emotions...but here I go again, I will try to be positive.

"Optimisim is the faith that leads to acheivement. Nothing can be done with out hope and confidence". -Helen Keller

Will you carry me?

2009-02-16T22:29:00.000-08:00

I'm a little guilty. I just had a 3 day weekend, and I am dreading going to work tomorrow. Let me start from the beginning...I have been absolutely blessed with an amazing job. Its amazing because there is so much room for real success in the future. I feel guilty cause...I don't want what this job has to offer. I am DYING to do something creative. Something where I know I can thrive...something where I can make a difference in many people's lives. I feel trapped. I feel like a lot of people are trapped in careers that don't make them happy. I would bet that most people are only in the career that they are in because it puts a roof over their head and food on the table. I hate that. I don't want to do anything because I have too...but is that just life? Should I get over it?! I don't think so...that just seems so..........un abundant (for lack of a better word). So where does this leave me? Well, I am still waiting for the open door to sing. I can't tell you how badly I want that. Its like...knowing I have a purpose that I am unable to fulfill.

"Lord, what am I doing wrong?, I thought you said...but you said wait...I don't even know who I am anymore...what I want? What You've promised?...Just tell me what I have done to feel so abandonded! In my head I know that you're here with me...but in my heart I feel like you're far from me."

I feel like this whole experience is killing me. Yeah, I know that I have been complaining a lot...but I am so confused...so lost, so angry...I don't know how to feel anything else. Its 11pm, I am awake, which is rare, but I don't want to face tomorrow. Where does dicontentment start, and contentment begin? I am so torn, cause yes, I am discontent with my job, but I am discontent because I know, at least I think I know, that I am supposed to be doing something more. More........relevent, more life saving, more passionate....more EVERYTHING!

I really need direction. And for some reason God is having me struggle through this. It makes me think of a story my friend told me. She was babysitting a little girl, maybe 4 years old. She took the little girl for what seemed to be a long walk. When the little girl started to get tired she lifted her arms and said "I am so tired, I can't walk anymore, will you carry me?"...My friend knew that the little girl could keep walking and said "you can keep walking, just a little longer". After a little while longer, the little girl grew incredibly tired, and she said "I really can't walk anymore, will you please carry me?". Thats when my friend whisked her up in her arms and said "of course I will carry you!". I know that the Lord is having walk just a little longer cause He knows I can do it. But I will be honest and say that I really can't wait for Him to carry me....But I will...I will wait forever. I am committed to Jesus, and its all about Him.

"So Lord, I must ask...will you carry me? I am so tired."

Happy Valentines Day!

2009-02-13T16:47:00.000-08:00

We met in 1996. We fell in love in 2000. He asked me to marry him February 14, 2002. We were married May 22, 2004 and from that day on, my life has never been the same. I love him very much (and I think he's hot...come on...you do to!) Happy Valentines Day Baby!

Beautiful Wedding

2009-02-13T11:18:00.000-08:00

This was one of the most beautiful weddings I have ever been apart of. Amazing.

I love my dear friend Katie so much...she blesses me!

Madly in love with you.

2009-02-12T09:49:00.000-08:00

I was working on a prior posting...ranting and complaining about where my hope was. Where was the future God had for me...My attitude was bad. But then as God would, this song came into my heart, and I wanted to share the lyrics with you. This song is written from God's perspective.

"I see you down there everyday, trying to find a different way to build some kind of ladder to the sky. Trying to find some way to see, the secrets of eternity, and they don't come all at once, you don't know why. How do you think it feels to hear you screaming out my name, when all a while I'm trying to open up your heart? I see you when you cry your self to sleep. Its tearing me apart.

I know you wish you could see me, that's the way it has to be. Someday you will understand, but don't you lose your faith in me. I know you wish you could hear me sometimes its so hard to do. But every morning sunrise says 'I'm madly in love with you'.

I know that you’re waiting for, A chance to come in from the war If only a moment, if only a day. A place where you feel safe and warm. A sanctuary from the storm, Until all of these questions fade away. But I cannot count on all the signs You’ve passed away as mere coincidence. And I'm running out of ways to break through! Like a lonely lover, Waiting by the ocean Ill never give up on you.

I know you wish you could see me, that’s the way it has to be. Someday you will understand, don’t you lose your faith in me. I know you wish you could hear me sometimes it’s so hard to do. But every morning sunrise it says 'I’m madly in love with you'. 'Yes I’m madly in love with you'. 'Yes I’m madly in love with you.' 'Yes I’m madly in love with you'." - Sean McConnell

I hope that these lyrics mean as much to you as they do to me. In this season of love, remember that God is madly in love with you. You are His beloved creation. You are His Favored. He loves to boast in you and all that you are. He has given you a hope and a future, and He will never give up on you.

The way to get started...

2009-02-03T13:43:00.000-08:00

This is my brother Scottie...he needless to say didn't want to take this picture with me. But I don't care...I love it cause its of me and my bro, and I love him so much.

I found my new quote for this year...

"The way to get started is to quit talking and begin doing" -Walt Disney (good man!)

My brother Scottie had a heart felt talk with me on Sunday. He basically told me that while I was here, I had to start living out my calling. He told me to start doing and to quit just talking about it. My dad also said "You can't just wait for opportunity to come and then get ready, you have to be ready for when opportunity comes". I think that this is very important for my life. I have to start doing, cause like my dad always says "if you keep doing what you're doing, you're gonna keep getting what you're getting". I feel that I am guilty of just waiting without action. I am going to start playing the piano, dive into God's word, write music again, and look for opportunity's to sing.

Hooty-hoo! Here I go!

Why can't God be a Magic Eight Ball?

2009-01-29T11:27:00.000-08:00

As change comes, so it goes in my life. As soon as something changes in my life, the minute I try to grasp that change its been replaced with more change. I have found my self searching for a magic eight ball to tell me the plans that are ahead of me. I found myself asking, "Why can't God be a magic eight ball?"...Why can't I just shake the Lord, turn Him over, and look for a little blue triangle that tells me "Outlook not so good", or "Future looks promising". Why can't He be more like that? I hate the not knowing, I hate it when I think I know, I hate that I feel like He, yes He, is not sharing with me His answers. Now, don't be concerned that my love for the Lord is wavering, or that I am walking away from Him. On the contrary, I have never felt closer to Him. But I am still frustrated. Why can't I take the Bible, close my eyes, say "Am I going to Tennessee", flip open my Bible, and find a big "YES", or a huge "NO"? I mean really, is that too much to ask?!

Okay, yes, I need to take a deep breath and chill out. God knows me, He has plans for me, He has plans for Robert. I need to hold my plans as lightly as possible. God has my complete and total will. I gave that up a long time ago. But what I am having difficulty processing, is what God promised me. I know that God wants to use me, I know that He is pleased with our open heart to do whatever He asks...but what specifically did He promise? Where do the promises that I think were for my life end and where do the promises that he really has begin? To be honest, I have never thought that any promise that I felt for my life were from me, I still don't. But to see so much unfullfillment in those promises, it makes me doubt that I really heard Him in the first place.

Ohhh, stop worrying about me, writing this stuff out reallllly helps me process. That is all that I am doing right now, processing. I am only frustrated because my life is at a standstill. The light above me is red, and is staying red. All I want to do is floor it and run the stinkin' light. No matter where I am going...just get me there. I want to continue in my life here, or move on to my life there. This in between is frustrating, and trying...and I am ready for the green light. But what I need to know, and understand is that during this time of waiting I am taken care of. God has His watchful eye on me and is watching over me and Robert as His most precious children. A mistake that I am making right now, is that I have made this about me, when all along its been about Him.

See, I told you...once I process, I get it right. Wow, I am being such a baby. Matthew 6 says something to the effects "do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself". Thank you magic eight ball Bible. You did speak to me! ;o) (no...I am not being sacrilegious, just silly). All this time I have been looking for a "yes" or a "no", but what God has been telling me was an answer, and His answer to me is "NOT TO WORRY ABOUT IT".

Lord, please help me not to worry. I lose all hope and security when I worry. I don't need a yes or a no, all I need is to know that I am being taken care of. Very good care of. Thank you for loving me...even when I am so difficult to love. Sorry for being impatient, I will wait.

Faith in waiting.

2009-01-18T19:30:00.000-08:00

While going through this in between time of waiting on the Lord, I have had to decide whether or not I trusted the Lord. Though its easy to say I have faith, its different to actually have faith, and to say I trust the Lord, and actually have trust in the Lord are also to completely different things. I started to worry that my lack of faith was what was keeping me from seeing the promises of God. I also started to feel guilty that I would even doubt God. But that is where I was, and sadly I feel I may still be there. I heard the Lord clearly that he was going to fulfill the promises that He had for Robert and I. We heard the Lord preparing us for change. We felt the Lord calling us to be obidient, and we know that the Lord called us to surrender to Him our will.

Recently I started questioning what the promises of God were for my life. I started questioning His will....and in result began questioning God. This is a baaaaaad place to be. Pastor told us about a man from our church who lost his young son tragically this past year. He told us about a counceling session that he had with him after his sons death. The man told pastor that he had been really angry with God for a few days after his son died, but he said he realized that he could no longer be mad at the Lord because where else would he be able to go for comfort if not to the Lord. I realized that when I doubt the Lord, I no longer have any place to put my trust. I must put my trust in the Lord, and rebuke any doubt. You can't doubt the Lord and trust him at the same time, just as you can't be angry with the Lord and still go to Him for comfort. I have to make a conscious effort to TRUST and not DOUBT. And trusting simply means believing that whatever is ahead of me, Nashville or not, its the Lords good, perfect and pleasing will for me and Robert. You know, you don't feel so alone when you trust the Lord. But doubt takes away comfort, takes away peace, and takes away rest. I want to have unwavering faith. I want to be like father Abraham (minus the many sons, many sons had father Abraham ;o)). Abraham saw the fulfillment of God's promise.

Yesterday I heard in my heart, "would you still love me if you didn't go?", I said "yes". But then I heard in my heart "would you still believe that I had a plan for you if you didn't go?" I still said yes, but very hesitantly. I hesitated because I was so sure that the future was Tennessee. I still believe that the door could still open for Tennessee, but its starting to feel un-real. God has miticulously planned out every detail of Robert's life and my life. He knows exactly what is ahead for us. It is not for me to doubt the Creator of the Universe. He is the Creator, I am the creation. So I must go back to what I know....to "not throw away my confidence for it will be richly rewarded....You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." Wow, that is such a good verse, and I know that verse was a gift to me, over a year and a half ago. "God is going to finish just what he started, even though the waters got to be parted. Lift up your head and don't be broken hearted, God is going to finish what he started in you." So right now, in this time that the waters are parting, I need to lift up my head. "But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head" Psalm 3:3.

Friends, I ask that you please lift Robert and I up in prayer. That we would walk out our faith, we would walk out in obedience, and we would walk in victory. I want to trust with Jesus, than doubt alone.

Oh Lord, you have lifted my head. Your glory will be shown through this trial.

Katie's Personal Shower at my place!

2009-01-18T10:35:00.000-08:00

These panty favors were panties wrapped up like little cupcakes! They were a hit!

What is He doing?

2008-12-14T15:05:00.001-08:00

Christmas time is here!

How many times have we gone through our lives and thought..."Lord, what are you doing?!". Well, that is exactly where I am at. In fact, my never wavering husband of faith is asking himself that same question. What do you do, when you KNOW you have been called, you act upon that calling, and once you've said "yes", you don't go any where. Its funny, cause as I sit here and write that, God says to my heart "Steph, you were never going to leave any earlier than February, so why are you doubting me in December." What I forget, is that Robert and my steps have been ordered. God knows exactly what is going on, and why its going on...I just have to continue to trust that He is orderly and not disorderly. I know, that when we look back 10 years from now, we will say to ourselves, "look at what the Lord did in that, and look where we are because of it". Its so weird to me that I still know that we are supposed to go...that its not just a flippant, "Lets go to Tennessee" then two months later..."just kidding, lets stay here"...no, we still feel called. The only thing keeping us here is our home...but it will sell. God will take care of that. If it doesn't then we will be ever so confused at what this whole process was for, but even if it comes to that, we know that it was God. He's the happy pruning gardener, who trims away the excess so that he can use the healthiest part of the plant for His glory. I just wish some of His trimming was a little bit more around the waistline. ;o)

I have to say, that I am not who I was 2 years ago. I am not who I was 1 year ago, and I am not who I was 3 months ago. Every day God is molding, breaking, and growing Robert and I in ways that are not necessarily comfortable...but it doesn't matter. God has called us (everyone) to pick up our cross and following him. Carrying that cross won't necessarily be comfortable, but you and I will always have the strength to with stand the weight because Jesus lifts that load.

Its Christmas time...and I love it! I love being with friends and family. I love the eating...a little too much...I will have to take care of that glutenous behavior sometime after the new year!...But until then, just call me a gluten for punishment! ;o) I love remembering Jesus, and how far He came for us. I feel His love a little stronger, a littler deeper, and a little sweeter this time of year. His birth is always on the front of my mind.

Thank you Jesus for loving us so much. Thank you that you always know exactly what you are doing...and please never let me live out side of your plans, and will.

This Years Advent Calendar

2008-12-14T14:51:00.001-08:00

How can you run?

2008-11-18T21:03:00.000-08:00

Heb. 12:1-3 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

Often times when I am talking to either new believers or young believers they tell me "I just don't feel bad when I do the things that I do, even though I know that it is sin...why would I stop living in sin, if I never feel guilty?" In other words these girls are asking "Why don't I feel guilty?"

I had an epiphany the other night...It was this picture of someone in bondage. Now, I tried to find a picture of someone in bondage for my blog under google images, but what I found was frankly a little disturbing. So, I put up a cute picture of Robert and I instead. ;o)

Anyways, this picture of someone in bondage stayed in my mind, and then I heard this thought:

"You wonder why you can't hear me..." And I saw in my mind a young girl with her ears plugged.

"You wonder why you can't do my works..." Then I saw that same girl with her hands bound.

"You wonder why you can't follow after me..." That's when I saw that her feet were also bound.

"And you wonder why you can't see me.' That same girl had a veil over her eyes.

I went on to think deeper into what I will profoundly call a picture thingy. In this "picture thingy" I started to think about the obvious, that these blind folds, ear plugs and bondage's represented sin. But it wasn't just sin in general, it was sin specifically. Each bondage represented a different sin in this girls life. What I also noticed was that of the human body that was bound, were also the key elements needed to run a race. In 1 Cor. 9:24 it says "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize." This is the example that God gives us so that we may live our relationship out with Christ as though we were in a race. In other words, to RUN after God.

Think of yourself as that girl. Think of the sin in your life that binds your legs and hands, blinds you, and deafens you. You are now bound...TELL ME HOW YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO RUN WHEN YOU ARE IN BONDAGE!? Hebrews 12:1 says to "...throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." The thing that I love about this verse is that it says to "throw off", which I picture as drop kicking across the yard. Its time we throw off our sin so that we can run the race that has been set before us. But we must throw it all away. You can't run with your legs bound, but your eyes can see...you must throw it all off!

Lord, give us eyes to see, legs to walk, hands to do your work, and ears to listen. Give us the strength to drop kit those sins that so easily entangle us. We want to know you, we want to run after you. Help us run the race that has been set before us, with perseverance, and our eyes set on you. Forgive us of the sins that keep us from you, and help us to become more like you. I want to win the prize that's ahead of me...and I will run till the end. Thank you Lord for being the breaker of bondage. I love you, Amen.

Need to repent

2008-11-04T10:38:00.000-08:00

Lord, I am so sorry for doubting your trusting hand. I am sorry that I was leaning on what I thought was truth. I am sorry that I tried to take the reigns, and I am sorry that I thought that I knew best. Please place in me a desire to complete the race that you have set before me. Please help me to lean not on my own understandings. Help me to acknowlegde you in every little step of this plan. You are King, You are in control. Never did you have the worst in mind for me, but always the best. You're not making life harder but triming away what is unneccesary. Forgive me for saying one thing and believing another. You are a Father that knows best, and will lead his daughter to victory. Thank you for who You are. Thank you for giving me a husband whose greatest fear is that I would doubt the calling that you have on our lives. Thank you for giving me the absolute best in a husband, in family and in my friends. Not to mention Frankie-D. Help me to stay optomistic, and faithful to You oh Lord. If I ever lose the vision again, I give you full permission to open my eyes in any means you can. You are good, you are good, and you are good. There can be no evil in you. You cannot be bad, it wouldn't make any sence. You are good. You have my life in complete control, and you have had a plan that has been in place since the beginning. Lord, may I do nothing to intercede in that plan and do what I think should be done. I love you, I need you, and I desire to be in your will always. Thank you for loving me, thank you for guiding my steps. You are God, and I am not. Only you know the specific steps that must be taken for our lives, and I trust you whole heartedly with my life. Thank you for everything. I love you, AMEN.

Keep Gettin' what you're Gettin'

2008-10-21T21:12:00.000-07:00

Jesus promised us that when we live for him, we will have life and life abundantly. Some of us have a hard time with this promise because it seems like life is just tough. If this is you, have you ever thought that the reason you are unfulfilled in your life is because you are doing things completely wrong? Let me try to explain what I mean here...Lets say you want to lose weight. You hear that the best way to get your metabolism going is by eating more small meals through out the day. So you eat a bowl of cereal in the morning, doughnut and chocolate milk for a snack, terryiaki at lunch, a bagel and cream cheese for another snack, and a steak and potato dinner. You repeatedly do this for a month and you don't lose a pound. What happened here? Well, of course you are not going to lose weight when you are eating those foods so frequently through out your day. You have to disipline your self, and eat frequent smaller meals yes, but meals that consist of the right foods. Thats when you would see the weight loss, right?

Well, that's the same as living our lives for Christ. You want to feel closer to him so you decide that you are going to start going to church every Sunday. You do this for a month, and nothing changes. Who was the idiot that told you your life would be abundant if you go to church on Sundays? If you're not dying to yourself daily, not taking up your cross and following after Christ, you're not going to have that life and life abundantly that Christ promised. Yes go to church, but that's not all that God has called you to. We have all been called, not some, but all.

Now, there is a difference between life being abundant through the tough times, and life being just tough. Just because God promised us a life abundant, doesn't mean that life won't be difficult. Some of you are at places in your life, where really, life should feel abundant, but because you are so far from Christ, life is just life. Well let me tell you this, in the words of my often times blunt father, "if you keep doing what you're doing, you're gonna keep getting what you're getting". If you're not putting in the effort in your relationship with Christ, nothings going to change. Its a relationship. Relationships take action, and if you're not putting in your share, you don't have a relationship. If I didn't feed Robert and my relationship, and vise versa, we would be in a serious world of hurt. How is it any different in your relationship with God?

Take time to feed your relationship with your heavenly father. He deserves your time, and he wants to give you the life that he has promised. Like I said, we are all called, but some of us don't live out our calling because we don't feel called. You are called, seek out your calling, live it out, and experience life and life abundantly.

Given to you for your enjoyment!

2008-10-14T19:31:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I was going through my bible determined to find something thought provoking, something that I could place on my blog. I found 1 Timothy 6:17, that says not to"...be arrogant nor to put [your] hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put [your] hope in God, who richly provides [you] with everything for [your] enjoyment." Wow, this is amazing. God is so good. He just wants us to trust him, to lean not on our own understanding, and He will provide all that we need. Not only all that we need, but he provides us with everything for our enjoyment.

I started to think about the things that really bring me enjoyment. Those of you that know me know that I LOVE a good deal. I LOVE to come up with my own take on decorating, or beading...I even LOVE organizing and cooking. When I go shopping, which is not nearly as often as I would like it to be, I can find the most amazing deals! I honestly, truly think that the amazing deals I find are gifts from God! I am totally not kidding. I always come home with something that costs at least 25% of what it originally cost, and I always yell out with glee "thank you Jesus, I know you set this aside for me!". I love making things for myself and for my house, its so fun! I love that I can make something for a fraction of what it costs in the stores. I love cooking, I love sitting and eating dinner with my husband! I love making people feel cozy! These things are so minimal in cost but so HUGE in my life! They are the things that God has given me to utterly enjoy! And I don't care if I am being sacrilegious, or what ever, but I also think that Jazz is a gift to me from the Lord. I have honestly worshipped, and praised the Lord while I listening to a jazz song, because I know that it is a gift from Him to me!

What are the things in your life that God has given you to bring you utter enjoyment? It is so fun to find these things! When you realize that the things you love are actually gifts from God that He has given to you for your enjoyment, it makes those things even better! Now, please do not manipulate what I am saying by thinking "I love Luis Vuitton! It must be from the Lord"...no my friend, you have sadly missed my point. But if you look around and you say "Wow, I love waking up every morning, pouring myself a yummy cup of coffee with hazelnut creamer in a cute cup, and just enjoying my morning", that's God. Look for him in the little things. He's there, and he's waiting for you to acknowledge that you see what He's given you.

Stand firm, or don't stand at all!

2008-10-07T10:23:00.000-07:00

"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you do not fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man." (1Cor.10.12-13)

I have been pretty hot on the topic of standing firm in your faith. I am passionately disgusted with the lies of the world. For years, I have wanted to write a song about this subject, but have been unable to put it into quite the right words. I see so many good people who think that they are living their lives for Christ, but really they're just living their lives for them selves. Calling yourself a Christian, and Being a Christian are TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS!

I see so many who come to Christ but don't give Him their entire lives. When this happens, they always go back to their old life. I have seen it over, and over, and over again! Its really sad. So that is why we get the warning from Paul "So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you do not fall!". That is why it is so imperative that we build our lives off of a solid foundation! I have always told my campaigner girls that God can't just be another room in your house, but that He has to be your foundation...because when your world gets rocked, and it will get rocked, your life is built off something eternal. If God is just another area in your life, rather than your foundation, then when the world shakes, so does your faith. But, when God is your foundation, and the world shakes, yes life may be difficult but you are standing firm because your foundation goes deep and its solid!

I don't know that any one but my few close friends will actually read this, but for everyone who does read this, build your hope on things eternal. Who cares if you lose everything? On Christ the solid Rock I stand all other ground is sinking sand! I am so confident in the Lord, and His plans, its really the most at rest I have ever felt. I pray the same peace over you! Though the world groans, God has not failed yet, nor will He ever! I do not fear for the Lord is our strength, our fortress, deliver, our shelter, strong tower, our never ending help in time of need!

It is time my friends, to stand firm! If you do not stand for Christ, you will fall for anything. Be strong, stand firm, and KNOW that you cannot be defeated when your life is built on the solid ROCK!

Not Affraid

2008-10-05T16:16:00.001-07:00

With the world at a stand still, waiting to see what this bail out will really end up doing for the economy, Robert and I sit and wait for our home to sell. Really, that is the last step that we have to take in order to leave for Tennessee. Sure, we have other commitments up through February...but the sale of our home would really release some much built up preasure. Though its scary, we do not doubt that God has this entire ordeal completely in control. We know that our house will sell, it is all in God's timing. I was thinking this morning that God is never late, never early but always on time. He has the best in mind for his children, so I do not fear.

Just to get your mouths watering...I put some pictures up of my house....any takers!? ;o)

Please be praying with Robert and I for the sale of our home. Pray that we will continue to trust and not doubt. He hasn't failed us yet, why would He now?

Happy Fall!

2008-10-03T22:27:00.001-07:00

You know, I am really, really, really tired right now. I feel like sleeping and never waking up. I don't know if its the weather, the darkness...probably all of the above...but I lack the motivation to do anything at all! All I want to do is snuggle under a cozy zebra throw, light my candles, drink some Honolua Coffee, flown in on a jet just for me...all by my self. No offence Robert...but sometimes, I love being alone...and he knows that. I want to watch movies all day...I want to watch Heart and Souls, or Sleepless in Seattle, or whats that movie with Robert Downey Jr. where he is in France with that girl and he pretends to be that guy....oh man...I can't think of it...Lissa help me!

Anyways, this blog will be short. I am just so thankful for the Fall...Sometimes I think God had me in mind when he created it. Sometimes I wonder if God thinks..."Stefie's gonna love this"! I don't know, I don't have much else to say except HAPPY FALL!

Being Crushed, but not defeated

2008-10-01T11:46:00.000-07:00

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit”

Its weird how God's grace works. You think of a circumstance, you think you would never survive through it, but yet you go through that circumstance, and you're okay. God's grace is sufficient for every situation. I have really found that to be sooooo true in my life today. Satan knows where we are weakest, and he will attack those areas. The truth is, you will always be attacked in the areas you are most vulnerable...its the way that you handle it that makes the difference. I remember a time in my life where I felt completely betrayed. I remember thinking, I have a choice in how I handle this...I can either forgive, or get angry. I chose to forgive, and it was the craziest experience ever. It was that though I was crushed, I was not defeated. I had peace. Sometimes when you get crushed, instead of feeling defeated, you feel peace. I believe that peace is the grace of the Lord. I knew that I wasn't alone, that God was there with me. He felt my pain, he wept for my sorrow. He was that perfect comfort that I wouldn't be able to find in anyone, or anything else. But would it have been different if I had chose to become angry? If I lashed out in my anger I would be leaving the door wide open to the Devil allowing him access to the situation. I would have been so caught up in my hurt, that I wouldn't have even noticed the grace that God was providing for me.

Though we get trampled, though we are struck down on every side, though things don't go our way, though life weigh you down, you don't have to be defeated! Live in God's grace. It is sufficient for you! Sometimes we can see the storm coming...just like in the picture above...but do not fear for the Lord will strengthen you...YOU WILL NOT BE DEFEATED!

Lord, I pray that in every circumstance, we find our rest in you. Though it seem that the world around us is crumbling we have rest in the fact that you have it all in control. I thank you that your hands are big enough to hold me as well as protect me. I thank you for giving me the peace to make it through the hard times. I love you. Amen.

Don't make God unnecessary!

2008-09-28T22:19:00.000-07:00

"God will never give you a future that will make him unnecessary". ~Dean Sherman

Dean spoke those words this morning and it hit me like a ton of bricks. We often pray for an easy life, to be free from the hard stuff. That we would live that American dream with the white picket fence, 2 boys, 2 girls, a dog and a cat. That is such a delusionary life. Life is hard, and complicated, painful and sometimes just twisted. I call that dream delusionary because I believe its the rose colored glasses that have created America into what it is today. No one is willing to see it for what it is. It is Satan's cover up. But we Americans don't see it that way so what do we do? We try to make life comfortable, safe, with the appearance that we have it all together. I have decided that I am sick of that type of living. I'm done. I watch people around me call themselves Christians, I watch them go to their churches, and I watch them drink themselves into oblivion. No wonder the world says we are hypocrites! We don't want to stand on the firm foundation, we don't want to stand at all! So when it comes to black and white, we Christians, not the world, but we Christians have created gray. Gray is the color we live in and that gray is getting darker, and darker, and darker. We don't like the idea of being alienated, of standing outside the box or standing for righteousness, no that would be too uncomfortable.

You know, Jesus never said that this life would be easy. We are in a battle. Battles are to be fought. You can't fight sitting down. You can't fight without your armour, and you can't fight without the Lord. So when you are praying, "Lord, this life is too difficult.", or "Lord, I am so lonely.", realize that "God will never give you a future that will make Him unnecessary." If the only way he can reach you is when you are on your knees...then you better believe he's gonna want you on your knees. God longs to be in relationship with His children. He created you, he has known you since before you were born. You are His. He loves you and He wants to be with you always. Reach up to the Lord, let your Father carry you. Let him give you beauty for your ashes. But remember he doesn't do this for you to be glorified...He does it cause he is King, and He is worthy of ALL the glory and ALL the honor.

Its pretty cool watching this whole Tennessee thing unveil before us. You can literally see God's control in this entire season. My dear husband Robert is an amazing man. I am truly blessed with a husband that leads me, and keeps me following after the Lord. Jesus is first, and he really truly is. Our relationship is surrounded by Him. Robert has sacrificed a lot for this. He is so confident in the Lord and his calling. Robert and I really want the Lord to be our everything. We know that without Him, we are just another couple trying to make it through. But with God, though times get rough, we see His faithfulness, and He carries us through.

My dear friends, please understand that God is worth your whole life. If you are reading this ask yourself, why do I do the things I do? Is it for you, or is it for Him? I hope that you answer truthfully, and that you say okay God where do you want me? Trust him with your life.

Thriving in His plans

2008-09-26T09:24:00.000-07:00

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

Back when I was doing real estate, I used to send out a monthly newsletter. Every once in a while I would put a quote in the letter that I thought was particularly profound. One quote I used towards the end of my real estate career was "We have to be wiling to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." My dad hated this quote. He things it makes no sense, but that's my dad the walking day timer. I believe that though this quote was spoken by a profound atheist, God used it in my life to say "Hey, I'm doing something here, you can either come along, or not." At that moment in my life I decided that no longer was I going to live according to my plans, but that I was going to thrive in His.

Life really began to change in January 2008. Robert and I went to the Young Life convention in Florida. That's when the Lord began to speak. At that time, I was at a place in my life where I literally hated every aspect of my life. I remember one day of the convention that they had us write down our prayer requests, roll them up, and put them in the crying wall. I wrote 8 simple words; "I don't want to hate my life anymore". Another night that week, they had the husbands and wives go off and pray together. I remember I couldn't stop crying because I felt like I had given up on my calling and altogether lost it. That night I prayed "Lord, please tear the desire to do music from me, cause it hurts so bad not to have it...if it be your will strip it from my desires". Well, we all know that didn't happen. I believe that, that week the cries of my heart were heard. When I came home, that's when the stirring began.

That February I was offered the job of a lifetime. A job I wasn't ever looking for. The funny thing was that even when I accepted the job, I knew it was only for a season...a short season. And here we are, 7 months later, moving to Tennessee.

I found one more quote while I was a realtor that still impacts me today. "Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence."~ Helen Keller. I will not throw away my confidence in the Lord. He is who guides my steps.

If I could encourage you at all, I would encourage you to hold your plans for your life very lightly. Let God take control and show you a path that you may have never known would have existed for your life. He does have wonderful plans for your life, not only plans but purpose. We all have a purpose. Live in His glory, hold open your hands, and receive the life that is waiting for you.

When your arms get tired.

2008-09-23T20:20:00.000-07:00

I am pretty exhausted in this whole process of moving. Life is moving fast but slow, life is exciting but sad, God speaks loud, God speaks soft...I am on this teeter todder of emotions, and I almost can't handle it any more! Sometimes my weakness out weighs my strength, sometimes my joy out weighs my sorrow. No matter what, its always a battle. But what happens when you're tired of fighting? What happens when you can no longer withstand the tired less schemes of the enemy? I asked the Lord this, and you know what He told me?! To keep fighting! AHHHHH!!! Do you know how frustrating that is? Does life ever get easy? Did I sign up to be in this battle? Well...Yes, I actually did.

As Pastor Alec always says, "God always begins with the end in mind". There is no scheme of the enemy that God hasn't already defeated. I love that the Lord tells us that "the joy of the Lord is our strength". I think that is why Satan is always going after our joy, he is always trying to steal it. But, this is how cool God is...that "when we are weak, He is made strong"! See?! Every scheme that the enemy tries have already been defeated. Even if we allow ourselves to be defeated, to forfeit our joy, he then is made even stronger in our weakness!

So when I am fighting...can I fight alone? Hmmmm....such a question. I thought about Moses, when God asked him to keep his arms up until the Israelites defeated the Amalekites. I thought about the fact that Moses' arms got tired. I thought about his friends, Aaron and Hur coming along side Moses to help him continue to hold up his arms. And that's when I thought that God places specific people in our lives to help us keep fighting...or in other words, to help us keep our hands held high.

If you were to pray for Robert and I, pray for friends to come along side us to help us fight. To help keep our hands held high. Its really easy for Robert and I become defeated in this vulnerable time. Satan is really putting up his dukes...he does not want Robert and I to go to Tennessee that's for sure. As a professor at Northwest University used to tell his students; "the devil is just a chicken running around with its head cut off". What is there to fear in a headless chicken?

A Sacrificial Life

2008-08-29T11:05:00.000-07:00

"If we lack a sacrificial life, then we have missed our calling." -Beth Moore

Beth Moore is one of the most amazing woman of God that I have ever witnessed. Her depth and understanding of the vastness of God is uncanny. When taking a bible study that was lead by Beth Moore, she spoke about how we are called to a life of sacrifice. In fact, when she said "If we lack a sacrificial life, then we have missed our calling", I wrote it down in the front of my bible so that it would be impossible for me to forget such an impactful message.

This began my thoughts of; What is a life without sacrifice? Well of course the initial thought was selfishness. But then I thought how unfulfilled life would be with out sacrifice. I believe that a lot of times, we are so distracted by what we want, that we forget that life isn't about what we want...its about what HE wants. That's the sacrificial life; dying to yourself and living for Him.

Whether we like it or not, as Christ followers we are all called to a sacrificial life. However, may I be as bold to say that most of us are too comfortable to choose a sacrificial life. King David wrote about a sacrifice that he was going to make unto the Lord. When he was given the fatty calf he refused to accept because he "would not sacrifice that unto the Lord which cost him nothing". How many times do we only give to the Lord that in which we can bare to part with? How often do we bring a sacrifice that costs us something?

I truly believe that we are all called to live a life of sacrifice. But what is that sacrifice to you? Some of you are places in your life that you are not supposed to be, but you are too scared to do what you feel you are supposed to because where you're at in life is comfortable. That could be a job, that could be some sort of sin or addiction, whatever it is you're too scared to sacrifice that life, or lifestyle. Look at me...I am in an amazing job...an amazing opportunity to really grow, to really become financially successful. Is it bad that I am in the corporate world? NO! By no means! But, this is not where I have been called. I know its not. But to sacrifice this life is hard, and down right difficult. Its difficult because the world says that we are worth what is in our bank accounts...and I am learning that, that is just a distraction that Satan uses to keep people from the things they are actually called to.

Above, I show a picture of my family (minus my dad). I show this picture because it is one of the biggest sacrifices I will be making. Those of you that know me know that I don't leave my family, I even honeymoon with them.

You cannot sacrifice just to receive...sacrifice is sacrifice. Sometimes there is blessing...but other times there is just waiting. Pray that as Robert and I continue to sacrifice our lives for His sake. That it will continue to be just that, for His sake. I pray that I wouldn't get to a point in Tennessee where I say "K Lord, I have given all this...where's mine?"...That is not what this is about...like I have said before there has got to be more to this than God just moving 2 people across the country. He's too big to be that small.

Yard Sale...little pieces of my heart for 25 cents!

2008-08-25T11:36:00.000-07:00

"You have received so much that your hands are full. Its time to let everything go so that you can receive again."

This weekend some friends and I put on one of the largest yard sales I have ever been apart of! I mean televisions, clothes, toys, furniture, housewares, you name it we sold it! In garage sales that I have participated in in the past, I have brought only the things that I could bare to part with...This garage sale was different in the way that I had to get rid of a lot. With our move to Tennessee, we are down sizing quite a bit, and I had to decide what were the things that I really didn't need, nor have room for.

Ok, for my sister, this is easy...she hates having clutter in her house, even in her cupboards. Me, on the other hand welcomes stuff with open arms, and loves to keep it stored away just in case I ever want to use it again. I also collect other peoples stuff, even when I don't need it. As I went through my stuff, I felt like I was giving away little pieces of my heart for a quarter a piece. This is when I knew my heart was not in the right place. These things were just stuff, that's it, stuff.

God quickly revealed that nothing I had was mine, it was His. I was reminded of a women I met a few years ago who taught me a very valuable lesson that I carry with me to this day. In her home she had a collection of Thomas Kincaid plates that covered her walls. It was obvious upon talking with her that her Thomas Kincaid plates were her most prized possession. After visiting for a bit, the women in whom I had just met said "pick a plate from my collection and take it home with you." I couldn't believe this, I immediately said "no, I couldn't". But she looked me straight in the eyes with both hands in tight fists and said "If I held everything I had like this, (referring to her closed fists) how would I be able to receive anything (opening her hands as though receiving a gift)". This powerful statement changed my life. As God reminded me of this women the other day, He said "All that you have is mine.", "You have received so much, that your hands are full. Its time to let everything go so that you can receive again".

Who am I to say that all I have is mine. Its just stuff, really, really, really cute stuff, but its just stuff.

Lord, I open my hands to you. All I have is yours, and all I am is yours. Use me, and guide me, for I am your servant. Amen.

Though it was still hard for me to sell my stuff, I do not want to hold it tight. I want to receive what God has for Robert and I, and I want to receive it with open hands.

Beauty for Ashes

2008-08-22T15:01:00.000-07:00

"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified."—Isaiah 61:3.

He is working, boy is He ever working! While thinking about lyrics for my new song about being beautiful when you're broken, the phrase "beauty for ashes" kept coming into my mind...so loud, so clear, and so strong! When I read the rest of the verse, my jaw dropped! I knew that my feable mind didn't bring that verse to my mind, it was the Holy Spirit! I don't quite know how it is going to fit into my new song, but it doesn't matter. But I want to talk about this verse.

I know that there are some hurting people out there, some of them are very close to my heart. We go through some hard times, trying times, for His glory. What I can't get over is that the God of the Universe is saying that he will take my crud, the disasterous life that I live and it into beauty so "that he might be glorified". He doesn't do it cause He feels sorry for us, He does it so "that he might be glorified". Did you catch that?! Its not about us! Its about HIM! I am learning very fast that I am a Creation of the God most high, here to bring Him glory. Its not about me, it never has been. I may be alone in this, but that blows my mind!

My favorite part of the verse is when it says "a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness"...wow thats good stuff! Now thats some serious meat. He knows what we are going through...He cares, and He wants to heal us so that He can be glorified! So yes, the hard times stink. The burdens of this world are heavy...but we get to trade those in for His glory!

I will be chewing on this verse for a while now...I am so excited to have found it...God is so good!

Beautiful when you're broken

2008-08-22T13:03:00.000-07:00

"Can you imagine how beautiful it will be once she's had her heart broken?"

-Max Lucado

WOW! This morning I had no idea that God was going to touch my life in such a profound way! My beautiful sister sent me this quote this morning...I had no idea it was going to impact me in the way that it has. This is a HOLY SPIRIT inspired quote. A song came to me today with the line "She will be beautiful when she's broken, her life will change when she's open". That is all that I have so far, but its gotten me so excited that I can hardly concentrate on anything else!

Oh the plans that God has in store for us! I was looking through some old journals the other night, to remind myself of some of the promises that God has made over my life, and Robert's life through out our marriage. One of the promises came to me in the form of an old song that we used to sing in church. Its that no matter what "God is going to finish, just what He started, even though the waters got to be parted. Lift up your head and don't be broken hearted, God is going to finish what He started in you!" It's funny to me how a simple song, with a simple focus could have such a strong impact, on such a simple life as mine!

Its crazy to me the steps that God has to take in order to accomplish what He started in our lives. Sometimes these steps are difficult, almost crippling, but the amazing thing to me is that God's glory is always revealed in the end! He has a perfect plan, ordered steps, Divine direction for our lives, and when we allow ourselves to become vulnerable to His calling...you end up in places you never had any intention of going.

Pray that I will continue to open my heart to God's calling and direction. Robert has such an easy time with faith, where I have a tendency to doubt. Negativity has never been from the Lord and I rebuke it from my life! Pray for open ears, hearts and minds, not only in Robert and my life, but in those around us. Thank you for keeping us in the forefront of your minds. I love you all!

Do Not Throw Away Your Confidence!

2008-08-21T10:15:00.000-07:00

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. "

This is the verse that God placed on my heart a little over a year ago...He keeps bringing me back to this verse! Its hard not to lose confidence when you are doing something as crazy as; leaving two amazing jobs, an amazing home, amazing friends, amazing Edmonds, amazing church and my AMAZING family! So many times I find fear and doubt creeping into my mind saying "...did God really say...." It sure is hard to stand firm and say "Yes, GOD DID SAY!"... "For God is not a man that He should lie!".

I get scared, because I start to think..."well, what if my house doesn't sell, does that mean I am not supposed to go?"...."Those closest to me are dying inside because I am leaving"...does this mean I am not supposed to go? Why is there such opposition? Why can't this be easier?

I keep fighting the "I don't want to go, I don't want to go...."But I am being foolish. This is NOT about me. I am the creation, He is the Creator. I am answering a call. There is more to this than just me. This is for Robert, my family, Young Life, everything that surrounds us. God is much bigger than just moving two people from Seattle to Nashville. ITS GOT TO BE MORE THAN THAT!

Please pray with me and Robert that our confidence will not be shaken. That though opposition comes, we will not be moved. Though tempted to doubt, we would stay strong.

Love you all.

So it begins..............

2008-08-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

THIS PICTURE EXPLAINS EXACTLY HOW I AM FEELING RIGHT NOW!

So here I go, trying to be somewhat interesting....I thought that I would start a blog that people could go to, to read where I am in life and to learn more about my heart. Not to mention the whole deal with Tennessee.

My entire life I have wanted to pursue a music career. Though I felt the calling, I found it difficult to pursue because I knew that in order to become a Christian music artist, it wasn't going to happen here in the Northwest. I tried to convince myself that I could be happy living a normal life, like everyone else, if I were to just sing on the side. But, that's never been enough. I have always felt that no matter what I was doing, I was in the wrong place. While doing real estate, I felt so uncomfortable...and when I got the Mortgage job I just knew it was only for a season...a short season.

I have seen God working this thing out in my life for a long time. He knew that because of my close relationship with my family, my love for my church...and well, its always an Edmonds kind of day for me...that it would be difficult for me to leave. He knew that it would take a process, a long process to get me to the point where I would say, "Okay Lord, I trust you, I know you only have the best in mind for me, you will take care of me, I will go where you send me".

My prayer is that my friends and family will join Robert and I in prayer. That we will have such an out pouring of prayer support that we will never feel that we are without strength. This is going to be difficult, more for me than Robert. Please be praying that we will continue to hear God's voice. That we will continue to seek His direction. THAT NEVER will this be about me. That this will only bring Him glory. Pray that as we prepare for this journey, that we will never lose confidence that God has called us to go. And prayer that my family will be okay without me.

Here we go!

Stefie's Journey

Upcoming Concert

Acceptance vs. Conforment

New Season

More today than yesterday.

Once again, moving forward.

Its coming!

God is for you!

Be ready.

Believe in His promise

A few words for the new year

Striving : Surrender

More than Enough.

Dream : Revelation

Can You Still Hear Me?

The Battle

Attempting to do more.

Best Night Ever!

Dreams become reality!

Finish Well.

This is REALLY who I am

Crazy Faith

Open Hands

Dare to dream?

Moving Forward

Sin is just ugly.

Dance with me.

Thank you Lord for 2009

Starting to tingle...

Where've I been?

Do you REALLY know your Father?

Stefie's Chic Boutique

So, Im not perfect? Weird.

Thrown into the fire!

I'm not who I was.

Security.

The Role of a Wife.

The Bedroom Makeover...

The Faith of a Fearless Warrior.

Therefore, be STRONG and COURAGEOUS!

Trust.

Strength.

Promise.

JOY!

Hope.

Be Still

Having a blast!

Its almost time!

*~Get Your Party Hats!~*

A peak at my potty....seriously.

Frivolous and Fabulous!

He's Been Faithful.

Photo's that describes me....

~Something to look forward to~

Lamp unto my feet.

Is your life built on sinking sand?

Gluten Free?

~Best Friends~

On the offering table

Box of Happiness

Desperate to Nest

He's always right

Will you carry me?

Happy Valentines Day!

Beautiful Wedding

Madly in love with you.

The way to get started...

Why can't God be a Magic Eight Ball?

Faith in waiting.

Katie's Personal Shower at my place!

What is He doing?

This Years Advent Calendar

How can you run?

Need to repent

Keep Gettin' what you're Gettin'

Given to you for your enjoyment!

Stand firm, or don't stand at all!

Not Affraid

Happy Fall!

Being Crushed, but not defeated

~Get Your Party Hats!~